With summer slowly approaching, I thought I’d get a head start and hit a tanning bed. If you’ve ever been to a tanning salon, you know the drill is that you go into the bed in your birthday suit, and you put lotion all over your body before you get in. While going through this ritual yesterday, I looked up and noticed that the walls don’t go right up to the ceiling. Which means, that anyone in the salon can enter the room next to me, get up on the chair that sits right next to the wall, and take a peak.

None of this would really bother me, as most tanning salon goers are female, and I can beat up just about any of them, however, this salon is right next to the local late-night “massage parlour” and there always seems to be a number of men waiting in the lobby…but usually I’m the only customer in there.

I was going to write this post about interrupting people while they are in the process of lifting heavy weights…and I thought I had my complaint nailed down. Then something completely bizarre happened. This guy was doing the hack squat machine (backwards). If you don’t know what that is, it’s when your standing at an incline, and your back is fully supported and you squat. Guys sometimes do it backwards, with their chest against the support. So this guy is pressing about 250 lbs this way, and some Amazon Woman comes up, and rests her chest on the top part of the machine. You have to picture a 6′4″ woman (not attractive), with DD’s hanging over the top, so when the guy comes up from his squat, his head is about an inch away from her breasts.

Interrupting someone while they are doing any sort of weight training is idiotic. This was just plain stupid.

The most embarrassing part for her, was that the guy shut his eyes once she did this. If it were my chest, he would’ve kept them open.

I see a lot of men wearing wife-beaters at the gym. I can understand where they’re coming from- I see the Calvin Klein ads (they’ve got a good one right now, whoa); I get that hot men are wearing them and pulling them off very well.

Did you read that?

I said HOT men.

Not skinny white dudes. Not fat bald men. Not men who think they should be models.

Hot men.

Men who act as body doubles for bloated actors. Men who pose in gay magazines. Men who pay more that $10 for a 3 pack of Fruit of the Loom.

If you don’t fit that description, then you look gross, and I have to turn my head when you talk to me because I’m uncomfortable. The thought of touching a weight machine after your white-trash body has sweated the whole thing up makes me want to vomit. You remind me of my grand-pa while he was shaving before he got dressed. Ew.

2 things occurred during today’s gym visit that seemed so out of place.

1) While walking in, one of the juicers at my gym was pulling up with his window rolled down. He was blasting Mariah Carey’s “Emotions”. It was released in 1991. That’s 17 years ago. Wow. I’m pretty sure none of Mariah Carey’s songs are classics and none deserve to be listened to 3 months after release, let alone 17 years.

2) Then, I noticed a different juiced up guy (he’s actually relatively hot and has a deep manly voice), hand another guy a CD with what he described as ”slammin’ music to work out to”.Who uses CD’s anymore?? I wonder if Mariah Carey was on it. Maybe I should just be satisfied that he knows how to burn a CD. That might automatically make him the smartest guy at the gym.

Ironically, my first CD ever was Mariah Carey’s “Emotions” back in 1991. I pawned it in 1995 for $2.

While to most men, this is understood. Men should pay on the first date, especially if they plan on seeing the woman again. I realise that this has nothing to do with fitness, however, I’ve had 3 separate discussions on it today and well, my blog isn’t exactly super fitnessy.

Recently, I was out with a guy. He was not overly impressive, but he wasn’t overly unimpressive either. He was nice and sweet, and never said anything stupid in the two hours we were together.  Then the bill came. I did my usual act, went to the bathroom, which normally lets the guy pay the bill without the pointless argument over who should pay. I was really rooting for him. When I came back, he still hadn’t paid. I slowly took my credit card out of wallet, and slowly brought it to the table, at which point he said “oh, you got this? here, let me give you something towards it” and he pulls out a $10 bill AMERICAN!!! (I live in Canada)

I was retelling this story today, and I started thinking about all the times I pay on the first date. I had a guy once ask to split the charge for a movie rental. Men- this is a deal breaker. You can be tall, handsome, funny, smart and charming, but if you don’t pay on the first date, I can guarantee you will not get a second. 

Some other first date pay horror stories:

“I don’t have enough change- do you want to split a beer?”

“I don’t have cash, and they don’t take debit, so……”

“I’d rather not go for dinner…I hardly know you and I don’t want to spend money on you if I don’t know I’ll get some later”

After a week of partying in Texas, I’m back at the gym. It was my first cardio session today- and I asked for a towel. My gym isn’t the best with their towel service (see my post on the matter), apparently, rather than resolve their issues, they’ve decided to just do away with the whole thing.

I’ve been to many gyms over the years, and I’ve never heard of anything like this before.

My gym. Has. No. Towels.

As I’ve mentioned before, there are maybe 3.5 women who work out there. As if working out with men the size of cars isn’t intimidating enough (not for me, but for regular women I’m sure), now we have to drip our smelly sweat all over the place.

I suppose for $30 a month, what more do you expect??

I’m not sure what about me says “open up to me”. I mean, if you’re read anything on my blog, you should know that I’m not exactly warm and fuzzy. Yesterday morning, I was at my hotel gym, sitting on a stationary bike, reading a book…which I think clearly indicates that I’m not there to make friends. Some guy comes in, grabs the treadmill beside me, and strikes up a conversation. *sigh* Fine. I’ll small talk. (Please see rule #1 in my gym etiquette post). But this wasn’t small talk. The guy had just had a baby 3 weeks ago, and was pouring out his heart to me about his fears and insecurities about being a dad. About how he’s jealous of the time his wife gets to spend with their newborn. He told me about how he feels about his job. What his investment portfolio is like. Where he grew up, went to school, spent the last 15 years of his life, etc etc. He was only in there for half an hour!! I didn’t even get his first name!! Damn. That’s a lot for 6 am.