#1- These stopped being attractive when your grandpa stopped being attractive

#2- If you MUST wear them, please don’t wear them under tight white spandex shorts so that we can see them

#3- If you MUST disobey rule #2- please don’t do a lot of bending over and sticking your butt out so they are extremely noticeable.

On the same note: Tight White Shirts

Men, tight shirts are NEVER attractive. No matter what kind of body you have, you should NEVER wear spandex. It is NOT attractive in the gym nor in night clubs. I’m not even sure why they make them. I’m assuming you looked into your girlfriend’s closet and thought it would be a good idea. It wasn’t.

Tags: tighty whities

He came back! It’s been three months to the day that Chicken Shawarma has been to the gym. He returned yesterday with a new Chia Pet hair-do and gangsta clothes.

I avoided him throughout the majority of my workout, but near the end he caught me. I asked if maybe he was working out at odd hours or something since I hadn’t seen him in 3 months. Nope. He honestly hadn’t been in since the last time I saw him that last fateful day at the shawarma place. Why? “Cause everyone at the gym sucks. I hate the gym. I hate the people. I want out. I want out bad.” (I should mention that the gym costs about $30 a month. For a physiotherapist, it’s not that much).

I finish my workout, and tried leaving the gym without talking to him again, but he stopped me.

Me: So, how’s work? (Please keep in mind that he’s a physio therapist and works in a hospital)

Chicken Shawarma: I switched departments.

Me: Oh yeah? Where are you working now?

Chicken Shawarma: Intelligence.

Me: Uhm. Intelligence? What kind of intelligence does a hospital need?

(He looks around to make sure no one is listening)

Chicken Shawarma (whispering): I have a side job. I do intelligence.

Me: What kind of intelligence?

Chicken Shawarma: You know, tapping phones and stuff.

Me (awkwardly): Oh, then I’d better keep on your good side!?

Chicken Shawarma (still whispering): No. It’s just for people who cheat on their spouses. Some real heavy shit man. You wouldn’t believe what goes on. 

And that’s my cue to leave.

I love them. I used to think it was really femmy, but what it does for women’s butts, it also does for men’s. I wish more men would wear Lululemon pants.

Tags: lululemon

I’ve heard so many pick up lines in my day. Mostly because I’m really hot, but really because men will try their line on any girl that walks by…it’s a numbers game for these guys. If they use the same line on 100 women, at least one will fall for it.

There are some classics out there, that maybe in the 9th grade, I would have fallen for it because it would have been the first time I heard it.

“Do you have mirrors in your pants? Cause I see me in ‘em”

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

“Are your legs sore? Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day!”

I was working my lower back…an exercise that I look particularly good doing, and some guy comes up and asks me “Have you ever modeled? Cause I’m a photographer.”

Really? Does that EVER work? How often do women say “I’d love to model, should I take my clothes off now so you can better see my body?” This is an Unsolved Mysteries case waiting to happen.

3 weeks later, the same guy asked me the same question.

I did another late workout last night. It was a totally different place during 10 and 11:30 last night than it is between 7 and 9. A lot more gay people. By a lot, I mean, there are none during the times that I go and there were 4 last night.

Apart from the gay guys, there was there was some fresh meat I’ve never seen. One guy, super cut, naturally built  and delicious looking, was training super hard. Like I mean training his legs and everything (men rarely work their legs, a real pet peeve of mine). He was clearly training to be a boxer (or so I hope), doing some really high intensity exercises. He looked like a jerk, and other than drooling from a distance, I ignored him like I do to most of the guys at my gym. Until I heard him speak. He’s African. With a thick African accent. I’m sold.

Because of a work dinner last night, I went to the gym a little later than normal, so the regular idiots were leaving as I was going in. I run into George (never mentionned before because I think he’s decent. Notice he gets a first name??) and  Ape-Arms as they are leaving. Ape-Arms asks for a hug. A hug?????? First of all, I’m not that into hugging. Second of all, I don’t even know this guy’s name, nor am I friendly to him at all. I was not going to hug him, but what do you say to that. “Sorry, you creep me out and I don’t want you less than 2 meters away from me.” I awkwardly ran into the gym.