I know these are all the rage right now, and everyone wants to do them, but I have my two cents on what they are all about.

If you’ve never been, here’s what they do: they make you do cardio and abs for 45 minutes to warm up, then they let you punch a bag for 10 minutes, and cool off for 5. Oooo, sounds like fun.

I do 1.5 hours of cardio a day, I work my abs 4 days a week and cool off by riding my bike home. I don’t need all of that. If I want to take a boxing class, I want to learn how to box. I want to be punching a bag and kicking the shit out of my frustrations. It seems so logical to me that boxing classes should be all about boxing, not all that other bull they make you do.

I was actually quite interested in taking up boxing for a while, and sought out some boxing places around town to find a good instructor. They’re all the same. They see that I am a girl and therefore assume I am a wuss and just want to lose weight.

Now, FYI- I wrote this post BEFORE the boxing instructor asked me out…so I’ll let you know if any of this changes.

I was on the subway the other day and I noticed this woman with a perma-smile. When I caught her in my field of vision I thought she was smiling at me, and I smiled right back, thus proving the theory that smiles are contagious.

So I thought, why don’t I start that. Since Sunday, I have been making a conscious effort to keep a smile on my face at all times. Trust me, this is not easy (and therefore I will take a whole day’s worth of frustrations out on this blog). It’s just not easy for me, being a city girl, to brighten my eyes and keep a happy look on my face. It probably looks like I just got botox and can’t change the look on my face.

But I’ve been doing it anyway. I’ve been getting TONS of smile backs, which is awesome, but a few memorable moments occurred that I am going to attribute to the smile:

Sunday- Grocery store- walking up to the store, I make smiling-eye contact with some guy playing loud music getting out of his car. He smiles back a big white teethy smile and shouts “Hey girl! Come and dance with me!” and starts dancing in the parking lot. I kept my smile on. It was actually pretty funny. Later on, in the store, he spotted me around the corner of an aisle, and said “Hey! It’s the dancing girl! How are ya! You know, you are fine looking!” and high-fived me. To be clear, I did NOT dance in the parking lot.

Monday- Gym- Some Asian guy sitting directly across from me on a cable machine took my smile well- he did the Asian nod and ninja-quick “hi” with a big smile back. I smiled at tons of guys I normally make the puke face at when I see them, so I got tons of excited smiles back. Some were a little frightened. I can understand.

Tuesday- Gym- the boxing instructor asked for my number, after saying that despite me having been a member at the gym since September, he’d never noticed me before. The smile drew him in. I know I am doing opposites of what I said in an earlier post, but an ex of mine gave me shit for saying I don’t, when he and I went to the same gym for probably a full year, so I have to date guys from my gym now. AND- I had the best yoga class ever (the smiles are actually making me happy). I did the thing where you cross your hand under and over your leg to grab the other hand behind your back. First time ever.

I will keep you informed of all the other good stuff that happens to me this week because I smile.

A side note- I used the Word Press spell check for this post (you know I rarely do), and “smile” is not a word it recognizes.

Is it wrong to give my number to someone because I know it will make a good blog post? (The boxing instructor at my gym)

Also, Chicken Shawarma was at the gym today. I was talking to Mustang at the time, and despite Chicken’s best efforts to get my attention, I was talking to a man way bigger than him so he backed off.

Other than Chicken Schwarma  and Green Giant, I refuse to date guys from my gym. It has nothing to do with their personality, or even their looks, it has to do with me having to see them again. (Ok, ok, I’ve yet to meet someone from the gym who has any personality).

To be honest, I would LOVE to meet someone who worked out as much as I do. However, history has shown that quality men don’t hang out at my gym.

In any case where I have taken a chance and ignored my self-imposed rules, I’ve ended up on a bad date. Dating men from the gym is like dating guys you work with…only a good idea if it’s really going to go somewhere, else-wise, it’s awkward and embarrassing.

9 times out of 10, the guy wants to see me again, so he’ll show up to the gym during my regular times so that he can bump into me since I haven’t been returning his calls. I, however, avoid him. I’m definitely not one of those people who would stop going to the gym for any reason, so I have to change my times. I have to start getting up early in the morning to get in a sub-par workout or coming in late at night when I am dead tired. I have even changed gyms to avoid certain people.

This is too much disruption in my life, and therefore, I refuse to do it. I have self-imposed rules for a reason.

This is an old story, but a good one nonetheless.

I was approached while on the stationary bike at the gym by a guy that I’d seen a few times at my gym who wasn’t a regular. He asked me out, and I had nothing better to do, so I said yes and gave him my number. As he was walking away, I had to yell out “Hey, my name is Darcie by the way” because he’d forgotten to ask. That was my first clue that it was going to be a great date.

Before he finally got a hold of me, he’d left me a few voice mails. They were both similar “Hi, this is the guy you met at the gym the other day while you were on the bike. Just wanted to hook up with you, see when you are free. I am free pretty much anytime, as I am currently unemployed. So, lunch, breakfast, dinner…it doesn’t really matter because I don’t have a job.”

uhm…

Clearly he’d had some coaching on what to say to women when trying to get a date. We LOVE knowing that we will be paying for the date and if the relationship progresses that we will be your sugar mama.

Regardless, I went out with him. He was good looking and had a great body. The color of his skin was odd. It was the color that blond hair turns when they get a bad dye job trying to color it brown. You know, that icky greenish-brown color. It was quite odd.

Now, I’ve always maintained that the type of work or the amount of money a guy makes is not important to me (as long as it’s legal, I’m a good girl). However, I do want a potential boyfriend to make SOME money.

It’s not even like this guy was an “entrepreneur” between jobs, who had “stuff on the go”. He was plainly unemployed. He was about to be evicted from the student housing he was staying in so that he could move in with his aunt in the suburbs.

That is so hot.

Now, I knew throughout the entire date that I was NEVER going to see this guy again. I mean, come on. But I do need to give him props. Not many men would have the balls to ask a girl out when he didn’t have a job. And, despite the fact that I drank import beer, and more than he did, he still paid (taking his money out of his Velcro wallet). As you know, I have trouble getting men to pay (see this post).

So, no, I never did see him again. He never showed up at the gym again. He did somehow magically find my e-mail address, despite the fact that I never gave him my last name. That was creepy.

Fake hair is bad all the time. I’m not talking about men either (on whom toupees always look ridiculous…you’d have a better chance of fitting in if you just went bald). About 10 years ago, hair extensions were all the rage- Jennifer Aniston, Celine Dion, etc. Famous people were sporting top-of-the line, down-to-their-butts extensions that looked fabulous. Unfortunately, like most trends, these styles trickled down the general public who, for the most part, can not afford to make it look right. At that time, I was seeing all sorts of bad hair. Stand behind someone going down on an escalator and you could see realistic looking hair woven into some chick’s fake hair.

I think the worst however, was those kiosks you’d see in shopping malls that sold those god-awful pony-tail attachments made of plastic Barbie doll hair. Even when ass-long hair was the super fad, I never understood why on earth any self-respecting woman would ever get one of them. The don’t even look like they are trying to be real hair. The pony-tail part of them didn’t even look real.

I thought that we were done with that fad when I saw a cougar sporting one of them at the gym. AT THE GYM!!! I wear my hair in a ponytail, use a head band and ensure that my bangs are long enough to be swept up so that when I’m working out, I don’t get bothered by my hair. Why on earth would someone want MORE hair during their workout? And it’s all plastic too! That would mean you would get neck-sweat just standing.

Now, I’ve seen this cougar at the gym several times, and was hoping it would be an isolated incident. Today, riding my bike through the trendy part of Queen Street West in Toronto, I noticed another of these women (a cougar, of course). I wish there were such thing as fashion police.

Tags: plastic hair

This is not my story, however, it is an awesome story that needs to be on the Internet.

Someone I know, (who has asked not to be named, so we will call him Brad) was working out one day, trying to be a superstar doing shoulder shrugs, because you can use heavy weights to work a small body part. He was using 2 45lbs plates on each side (so the story goes, I don’t buy it). He had the bar set on a holder and one plate already on. As he was adding the second plate with one hand, he grabbed the other plate already on the bar and used both hands to squeeze them together.

The holder was just under hip height, and as he squeezed the plates together, he squeezed his manhood between the plates. These were not the newer style of rounded rubber-coated plates, but the old school hard edges metal plates. The initial pain shocked him back and as he looked down, he saw the formation of a blood pool in that area. So, being the big tough guy that he is, he fainted.

I’m sure all the men out there are cringing at the story and completely understand his fainting, however, I think it’s hilarious. In the end, there was no major damage (he is about to have a kid this fall….at least his wife says it’s his).

To make matters worse, he had just started dating a cheerleader. He had a band-aid covering his wound, which would make matters difficult to begin with, but every time they fooled around and nature took its course, he would reopen his wound. He had to turn down the cheerleader repeatedly. (His current wife is not the cheerleader).

Poor Brad. The story is amazing, and at least you can make a few people laugh (or cringe) when they hear it.

As my regular readers know, despite my stunning beauty and exceptional charm, I can never seem to get a date. And when I do go on a date, they never turn into second dates (see the entry on my previous date).

My friend’s boyfriend Joe, (mentioned already here) decided to set me up with one of his friends. Most of my single friends hate being set up. I love it. I love finding out what my friends think is the perfect man for me and I love going on dates period (so I have ammo for my blog of course). I trust this guy, I think he’s pretty stand-up in the way he treats my friend and the pics he was showing me of his friend were pretty good so I figured why not.

It was going to be a double date, which I’ve never really been on for the first date, and was pretty nervous about a close friend seeing the way I am on a first date. But, I figured, at least I’d have a witness to the things men say to me on dates. So I met the other couple in front of the little Mexican place we were eating at. Us two girls went in and sat down while Joe waited outside for my date. When my date walked in, I was pleasantly surprised. He was pretty good looking- with a nice white smile and big teeth (I think I’ve mentioned before how much I like that). He sat down, introductions were made, etc.

Then he started talking. The dude was TANKED. Now, I’ve been nervous before dates before, and have downed a shot or two of vodka before meeting someone, but this guy was plastered. Apparently he’d been on a booze cruise during the day for his buddy’s birthday, a story which he told about 46 times. Literally. That is not an exaggeration. Of course, the story of the afternoon boozing came after he told us all about how a good friend of his wanted to get into the porn industry and was constantly seeking his advice (uhm- what exactly makes him so knowledgeable on the industry?).

Thank god there were others there. I don’t  know what I would have done if I were alone. He was drunk. DRUNK! He knew about the date 2 weeks in advance…Men, if you are going to meet a lady for the first time, please don’t get drunk first.

So the bill comes. Now, you all know my history with men paying on the first date. I was pretty sure this guy wouldn’t, just because they never do. Unfortunately, he didn’t surprise me by paying. Instead, he let Joe pay. Like he hadn’t embarrassed Joe enough. But I guess if he’s about to become unemployed, then what can we expect? (He told us he was about to lose his job. Great thing to say on a first date. All the ladies are impressed by an unemployed man).

I’m going to bed tonite telling myself that Joe thinks SO highly of me that when describing me to Drunk Man he scared him into drinking his face off to calm his nerves before meeting me.

In my post yesterday, I mentioned that I have to change the time I workout from time to time when I don’t want to see a particular person that works out during the same time as me. I figured it would be a good time to put in my opinion of when a good time to work out is.

That all depends on you, really. If fat-burning is an important goal, then doing cardio first thing in the morning before breakfast is best. (Note, this is for cardio ONLY, not weights). Basically, because it’s been so long since you’ve eaten, your body will use its fat stores for energy.

Other than the above example, it’s best to workout at a time during the day when you have most energy. If you are eating right, this would be an hour or so after your biggest meal. This will allow enough food to go through your system to be used as energy (and you wont throw up from working out too close to the time you ate).

Doing resistance training in the morning makes really no sense to me at all. Because your energy stores are depleted, you wont be able to lift as much as you would normally, and you are more likely to be tired and lethargic. Despite this, people who work out in the morning are more likely to stick with their routines since they get it out of the way so early (and they don’t have to shower twice a day).

My ideal time to workout is at about 2pm…since my largest meal of the day (with most carbs) is my lunch. Unfortunately, I work a 9-5 job, so this is pretty much useless. I instead choose to be at the gym from 7:30pm to 9:30pm. I still have tons of energy then, and the after-work rush hour is over. Also, that’s when the hot guys work out.

Basically, the best time to work out is when you can/will work out. Working out at a time that may not be “ideal” by the book, is still better than not working out at all.

I couldn’t help but notice this guy’s ankles today. They were SKINNY. Like, skinnier than my wrists. He is an odd looking character. He has longish brown/red hair, a MASSIVE head and is super tanned. And then there were these skinny ankles. To make matters worse, I caught him doing calf raises without any weight. He used double what do for his chest flies, yet NOTHING for his calves.

For the idiots out there like him- in order to gain size/muscle, you need to lift heavy weights. If you do strength training without heavy weights, you could tone yourself-  but if you have no muscle, what are you toning?

It is my dream in life for it to become socially acceptable to walk up to strangers to tell them what’s wrong with them.