I know I’ve said this before, but when I am working out, I do not like to be talked to. My workouts are usually 2 hours, with the drive to and from the gym, it usually takes 2 and a half hours out of my day. Given that I rarely get home before 7, that means that I don’t have a whole lot of time in the evenings to do much else. So I like to keep my gym sessions as short as possible by not talking to anyone.

Yesterday, I was doing squats. I had a bar across my shoulders and was squatting an amount equal to my own weight, which is not a light load. Staring straight ahead, concentrating hard on getting down far for that deep glute burn. I noticed some skinny nitwit walking past me on his way to the water fountain. He paused just in front of me for a moment, which I knew meant he was going to approach me. I avoided looking at him, and he walked on.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him coming back, so I started readying myself for my next set to avoid him stopping. Just as I lifted the bar off the rack, he stops. Our conversation:

Him: (very enthusiastically) Hi! I’m Ted!

Me: (between deep breaths) Hi.

Him: Are you new here? I’ve never seen you before.

Me: (pause, finishing my rep) I’m (breath) here (breath) all (breath) the (breath) time.

Him: Really? I’ve never seen you before. Are you sure?

Me: (wanting to kill him. I hate it when guys say this. I am there 4 nights a week for 2 hours at a time, plus weekend mornings. If you haven’t seen me at the gym yet, you don’t go often enough). Yes, I’m sure.

Him: So. What do you do for a living?

Me: (still doing my squats. can’t believe the nerve of this loser) I work online (which is what I usually say when I know they’re too stupid to even remotely understand what I do).

Him: Oh that’s so cool! What do you do for fun? (another dumb question.)

Me: (now really annoyed, and still deep breathing) Stuff.

Him: Oh cool! Want to hang out sometime?

Me: (let out a loud, unfeminine grunt)

Him: I have to go back to my treadmill now. So I guess I’ll see you soon?

Me: (don’t say anything)

Gentlemen: wether I am on the cross trainer, doing curls or in a yoga class, you DO NOT talk to me while I am working out. I pay my fee at the gym to get a workout and I pay my tab at the bars to get hit on. Please don’t confuse these two places.

I hate it when people say that. I’ll tell people about my recent dates, and they think that I’m either discouraged about it, or depressed. So they say ‘It’ll happen when you least expect it.’ Really? Will it? So there is no point in dating then because I will meet my future husband in the subway or grocery store?

Sometimes I see a couple together and I think that they look so perfect together, like they were made for each other. Then I see the total opposite- some really attractive girl/guy with a really unattractive partner. How do these people meet? Is it possible to be equal in a relationship when in the physical aspect of it the scales are totally off? (Do not say that physical attractiveness doesn’t matter. That is what ugly people say to make themselves feel better).

I dated a disgustingly unattractive guy for two and a half years. It was horrible. It boosted my ego though, he was always telling me how attractive I was. But I really felt like I had the upper hand. He knew that he couldn’t do better than me (he was also a total loser in every other way too). I always felt like I was better than him.

I can see how dating someone unattractive who is over the top charming, funny and smart would be possible. I can be attracted to someone who is not at my level of attractiveness. But it’s much harder to get to that level. Those are the people you have to be friends with first. Which means, you can’t meet them off online dating, or in a bar, or by getting set up on a blind date.

And then there are the stares. I mean, if I was to bring someone less-than-attractive to our staff Christmas party, people would talk. Ok, maybe not talk because that would be rude. They would think it. But my reputation of a self-rightious, egotistical bitch would be tarnished.

What I find interesting though, is that you rarely see an attractive male with an unattractive female. I dated a guy whose friend was getting married. The soon-to-be-married guy asked my then-boyfriend if he thought his fiance was hot. To be polite, he said yes. Then, he told me later, it was a lie and none of his friends could beleive he was marrying her. Like that’s not going to make me super self-conscious. I had to start dressing up to meet his friends. Impressing the mother is one thing, but when I have to start trying to impress friends, that’s a whole other story. Maybe guys put more weight on looks than women?

Tags: interfacial dating

Last night the Grey Cup was on.  Last year during Grey Cup, I partied for a week straight in anticipation of it. This year, I was barely aware it was on. The reason for the difference is that last year, the Saskatchewan Roughriders were playing, in Toronto. While I was going through school in Regina, Saskatchewan, I really got into the Riders. It wasn’t because of my love of football, I still barely understand the game. It was because that’s what people do in Regina. I even had seasons tickets at one point. While working retail, without looking at the calendar, I could tell when the Riders were playing, because the mall was empty.

While I watched the highlights of yesterdays game (because I was too far from the remote to change the channel), I got to thinking about my female friends who watch sports, and wondered if they really enjoy the game, or if they have a different reason for getting involved.

In grade 10, I was a Montreal Canadians fan. While I did grow up watching hockey (go North Battleford North Stars!), I don’t think I was ever really a fan. It was in grade 10 that I started to question my allegiance to the sport. A girl in my class, Michelle, was also a Canadians fan. I started to notice, however, that she only ever talked about them when a particular guy was around. I decided then and there that the only reason women watch sports is to impress guys. I never wore my Canadians jersey again. (Tried it on the other day though…still fits).

2 years ago, I decided that was a stupid decision, and that I probably would like to get into a sport. I decided not to go with the Canadian flow and become a hockey fan, so I tried baseball. I figured that if I didn’t like the sport, at least I could spend my summer weekends drinking beer in the sun. Turns out, I really like the sport, and have been a medium Toronto Blue Jays fan for two full seasons.

I don’t like to tell too many people that I go to the games and watch them on TV, because I think that it makes me look either butchy or like a girl who wants to impress guys. So, my question is, what do guys think of chicks who are into sports?

Note: I really like guys who are into football. It gives me an automatic shopping day on Sunday, and night to myself on Monday.

Tags: Grey Cup, Roughriders

So yesterday was my last day on eHarmony. A little background on how eHarmony works: you create a profile and eHarmony sends you matches based on your likes/dislikes and all that (based on 29 dimensions of compatibility). You have to pay in order to communicate with these matches. Kind of a teaser. In the first few weeks of being on the site, I was sent 10 to 15 matches a day. Then the number of matches I got each day went down more and more, so that during my last week, I only got one match a day.

So last night, I cancelled my membership so they wouldn’t charge my credit card again. Then, within hours of cancelling, I got sent 15 matches. They did this so I would get all excited and want to pay to reactivate my account. I understand that eHarmony is in business to make money. But wouldn’t be more in their interest to focus on getting their clients to hook up? Think about how different this blog would be if I had 10 dates in 3 months instead of 1.

I hate eHarmony.

Today is my last day on eHarmony (or eHellmony). So I’m trying to find a new site to mock. I found this one HerpesMates. It’s a site for people with STD’s to come together. It makes sense. They wont spread then. Find someone who will accept you for what you have. (In all honesty, someone sent it to me. Someone who is married. Interesting).

I wonder if all those people protesting the vaccine for HPV are happy about this. They think that giving a vaccine is like giving permission. I can imagine how the conversation goes with the parents:

Mom: You MUST wait until marriage. What if you get an STD? Then you will never find someone who will accept you.

Daughter: Yes I will. There’s HerpesMates.com!

I’m a pretty aggressive girl. There is no doubt in my mind that the guy who eventually wins the title is going to be even more aggressive. What I can guarantee he wont be, is passive-aggressive.

I frequently get asked out by guys as a joke It’s clear that they want me to say yes, but if they joke about it and I say no, it softens their blow. Which works out well for me, because I would never say yes to a passive-aggressive man.

At the gym today, Mustang (whose name I still do not know) was telling me about some audition he was dying to hear back from. Here is our conversation:

Mustang: It’s been a week and my agent hasn’t called! I’m dying to hear back from her!

Me: Now you know what it’s like for us girls when we give out our number and men don’t call!

Mustang: That doesn’t happen to you?!

Me: From time-to-time (he doesn’t know about my most recent dumping)

Mustang: Well I would call you if I had your number.

Uhm…was he asking for it? Cause that’s not how you go about doing it.

Ok, ok. I’d go out with Mustang despite his passive-aggressiveness. He’s 6′2″, 300lbs, black with big white teeth. He doesn’t need much else.

So I’m in the last 3 days of my eHarmony membership (which I am NOT renewing) and it has failed me miserably.

5 years ago, people were just starting to admit that they met their significant others online. It was becoming less of a taboo to meet non-geeks over the internet. So then everyone tried it. Including me. I tried Lavalife for about 2 months. During that time, I probably went on 10 dates. All the guys were decent (though none of them second date worthy). Except one- I met my last longer-term boyfriend on Lavalife.  We dated for a year. Within that year, something went wrong with online dating.

When I was back on the scene, I went back to Lavalife, expecting the same results. Instead, I found 2 types of guys: there were the guys looking for nothing more than one night (they will always be around); and there were desperate lonely people. I was on there for another 6 months, with, if I recall correctly, a total of 2 dates. So I gave up.

Then eHarmony starting putting out those cheesy commercials with all the happy people, and, like many others, I bought into it…thinking that my $120 for 3 months was going to buy me a compatible match based on ” a rigorous 29 dimensions scale”. I’ll give eHarmony some credit- they make it slightly difficult for guys to get a one-night stand. But the only other people on there are the desperate losers.

My scores:

Total Time On eHarmony: 3 months less 3 days

Total Matches: 575

Total Men in “Open Communication”: 5

Total Dates: 1 (and I am pretty sure he was gay)

Maybe they need to up the number of dimensions compatibility is based on.

Tags: eharmony, eharmony sucks

I official end the third decade of my life next week.

I plan on regretting at least 23 things.

I always find it amusing when people ask me for relationship advice. I clearly have no clue what I am doing. If you want advice on how to scare a man away and be chronically single, those are areas in which I am an expert.

Last night, I was out with work folk for a few pints, and the only married guy at the table was giving us all advice. I’d like to share some of his wisdom:

When the subject of dating a guy who’s style is more out of date than yours, he said “Don’t worry about that superficial stuff.” (I was thinking he was about to talk about going beyond the appearances)  “You’ll change all that when you start dating anyway. Do you think I dress myself?”

When the subject of where to meet good people came up he said “Networking events. Everyone just wants to meet people at those things.” That, actually, is not a bad idea.

And, my favorite quote from him for the whole  night: “If women were like men, the world would be over-populated.”

Think he’s right?