Sadly, the recession has hit everyone. We’re all looking at our finances, asking ourselves why we didn’t set aside 3 months worth of living expenses, whispering about our friends who’ve lost their jobs, and praising Allah that we still have a steady paycheck. Hell, even Mustang has lost a night at his bouncing gig because people aren’t partying as much.

I’ve been noticing a number of blogs out there are posting about men not splurging on drinks for women anymore. They are unemployed and can no longer afford these luxuries. I don’t want an unemployed man to buy me a drink anyway, so I don’t really care. But as a regular on the drinking scene, I’ve met several men in bars who have recently been laid off. These men aren’t there networking or trying to build their brand, they are ordering pitchers and getting wasted.

As my regular readers know, men never buy me drinks anymore- not since I stopped wearing whore clothes and send out a clear “I will not sleep with you tonight” vibe. I’m not going to bitch about how men can’t afford to buy women drinks, or how they are using the recession as an excuse to be greedy with their money, what I am pissed about, is that they are in the bars in the first place.

In a disastrous and frightening scenario in which I would lose my job, the first place I would go to would be a bar. Then, 2 days later when the hangover is gone, I would check my finances, and decide how to make my money last as long as possible. I would probably decide that drinking in a bar is WAY too expensive. Count the cab ride there, the 5 pitchers I would have, the cab ride home and the stop off at the convenience store to get myself some Doritos and Mr Noodles, it can get pretty pricey.

These unemployed men, and I do feel bad for them, should be hitting the liquor store and buying the cheap vodka, calling up their buddies and drinking their sorrows away at home. Why do you need to be in a bar to do that? You can yell at the women on the street if you need to get the whole rejection feeling like you do at the bar.

Tags: beer, drinking, recession, unemployment

I was on the subway yesterday morning, and sat down next to a guy with a dog. I don’t know what it is about men with dogs, but they are just as hot as (single) men with kids. So, naturally, I began checking this guy out. He was a little more rugged than I normally go for…I would say he lives in community housing at the least. But, judging by his attire, he was a construction worker or similar, and he had a dog, so it was worth a second once over. I was stopped dead in my track at the sight of his nails. They were long and dirty. By long I mean maybe 2mm of the white part. It was disgusting. I mean, this guy was half-homeless and I was checking him out and I couldn’t get past the nails. It’s that bad. I don’t have very high standards for the men I date, but I would have to say it’s a deal breaker. It actually makes me want to vomit.

Tags: male grooming, trim nails, turn off

This is not something I normally do because I am not a pansy, but I was flipping through a few weeks ago, and the title of the show was Men Are Assholes, or something like that. I don’t feel good about having watched it, but with a title like that, or whatever politically correct way it was worded, how can you not?

During the show, they blared some stat about how most men chose to remain single because they don’t need to get married in order to have sex. This just confirms my theory that men have no brains. More on that in a minute.

I got to thinking about a few girls from my hometown who have kids. These are people I went to high school with who never left. When I run into them while visiting my parents, this is how our conversations usually go:

Me: Oh, what a cute baby (lie). I didn’t know you were married!

Trashy girl: I’m not.

Me (because I have no filter): Then who’s the father?

Trashy girl: There is none.

That is the stupidest answer I ever hear, by the way, and I’ve heard it more than once. You can’t tell me there is no father. Someone had to have contributed that sperm. I can get that it’s an awkward question to answer, especially if there are two baby-daddies or you didn’t get the name in first place. But you can’t tell me that these women decided on their minimum-wage job to go to a sperm bank and get inseminated.

Whatever, I’m bitching about men here, not trashy women. So I was thinking about these women, and I was thinking, not only can men get sex wihtout being married, they can also have babies. Now, as someone who has recently come to the realization that I am completely incapable of being loved and will probably be single for the rest of my life, I know that women too can enjoy no-string sex, so it may not be just one-sided here. But the baby thing kinda is.

Yes, a man can chose to have a baby with a woman who wants a child but not a husband. But chances are pretty high that the woman will be the one with the majority of the responsibility. So a guy can want to have a baby as badly as a woman, but if he changes his mind about it later, it’s still the woman’s tough luck.

Damn Dr Phil. You got me all pissed off.

I was digging through my sock drawer yesterday and I came across an old diary that I started when I moved away to University. Figuring I might be able to learn a little about why I’m as awesome as I am for future lessons, I decided to read them. Here are a few excerpts from my second semester:

January 19 “I’m so in love with his eyebrows”

January 20 “He did the eyebrow thing again. He has a not bad body too.”

Jan 26 “R asked me today if D and I were dating. I just told her no. I hope that doesn’t get back to D though.”

Feb 1″I had a pretty cool weekend. We went out to Manhattan’s on Thursday (a bar), which made me feel pretty ’cause guys were after me.”

Feb 1 “We talked a lot, then J cried because she hates herself”

Feb 1 “D is a jerk. Well, maybe not. But he isn’t interested in me.”

Feb 2 “D is an ass. Fuck him then. I don’t care. Well actually I do.”

Feb 2 “I’m never living in a big town again.” (I was, at the time, living in a town of 195,000. I live in Toronto now).

Feb 5 “D told me there was nothing going on between us. I met his girlfriend today. Talk about awkward.”

Feb 10 “I hate D.”

Feb 10 “I want to meet a professional athlete.”

Feb 23  “He would bring me to parties with his friends; and talk to me at these parties. He used to lend me his bank card whenever I wanted it. He was so perfect.”

March 15 “I am caught in a love triangle.”

March 22 “I thought I was out of my triangle, but I am not.”

March 22 “I can stand his body when it’s dark and my eyes are closed. Other than that, his body is gross.”

May 3 “C is pregnant. My family is being dicks about it, but I think it’s neat.”

May 25: “The next night, we met up at the bar. I puked at his place, then I spent the night.”

So, basically, it turns out I’ve not matured all that much, and I’ve been hilarious my whole life.

I’m really into Degrassi, The Next Generation. I think I’m on season 4 (they are on season 8). For those adults out there who don’t watch it, it’s a show about teenagers and the stuff they go through. It’s not at all intended for adults, which is probably why I like it so much.

The episode I was watching the other day had a bunch of girls fighting over the same guy (who was giving them all the clap) and I got to thinking about the cool guy in tv shows or movies. I have two issues with it:

1) They seem to appear less and less lately: With “geek chic” being really in style right now, the cool guy just seems to appear less often. Even in action movies, the guys who are kicking ass are usually some kind of tech-nerd too. Except The Rock. He is always just a cool guy.

2) They are ALWAYS assholes. This leads me to beleive that there are no cool guys out there that are nice and kind, which makes me give up hope…like I have to choose between cool and nice. This is stupid. In fact, I am going to protest by only dating really good looking guys. One of them has to be nice.

I met this guy about a month ago at a bar. I really liked him and was happy when he asked me for my number. We have since been out 4 times….and there has been no action. The first three situations we were in on our dates were not really conducive to seduction, so I decided to ask him over to watch movies, which, in girl speak means “Do you want to come make out?” I assumed this is what it means in guy speak too. His text response to my invite was “No, I don’t feel like getting off my couch today.”

I’m all for admitting when a guy is not into me…as my readers know. But when I’m with this guy, I’m pretty sure we’re dating, and I’m pretty sure he’s into it. I’ve bitched my plight around to all my girlfriends, and it’s amazing how many times it’s come up that he probably has some disease that he doesn’t want me to know about…and my male friends all assume that he his a homosexual. I can see their point, I mean, there are very few men that would turn ME down for a movie night. I’m FitDarcie for crying out loud.

I gotta say, this doesn’t neccessaritly make me want him more. I mean, my ego is a little hurt, so for that reason at least, I am still trying with him. But I can’t say that I’m dying to see him again, like I normally would in a new relationship.

So last time we were out, I was slightly but noticeable drunk, and it was freezing, so it was the perfect opportunity for him to drive me home (we live very far apart, and I live really close to the subway, so that’s my usual mode of transportation). I was totally expecting a little something at the end of the night. Instead, when we got to my place, I leaned in awkwardly towards him to receive my kiss, and ended up looking like a tool as he wished me goodnight with a smile on his face and kicked me out of his car.

What other reason could he possibly have for not wanting to mack on me?

4:25: Find out plans with co-workers fell through

4:30: Get an e-mail from my favorite Toronto indie band, Lickpenny Loafer announcing last minute gig at Rok Boutique for tonight

6:30: Get home from work, watch stupid tv.

7:00: Decide to have a nap since I’m going to see Lickpenny Loafer later.

7:20: Wake up.

8:00: Despite deciding I didn’t need to go to the gym, I went anyway.

8:45: Engage in an in-depth conversation with Mustang about nightclubs. Specifically, the amount of vomit a club will see in any given night. It’s a lot. Also, bars don’t clean their floors very well, which is why they usually smell like vomit. He suggests never sitting anywhere in a bar, especially not benches or floors.

9:30: Leave in-depth conversation to get home to primp for Lickpenny Loafer.

10:30: Arrive at Rok Boutique. $6 cover. The guy taking the money looks like a fat Axl Rose with facial hair, a body full of tattoos and a studded black leather vest.

11:00: I notice a pregnant girl at the bar. It’s ok, she isn’t doing shots.

11:05: I notice a guy at the bar that looks like the future Mr. FitDarcie, Donovan from the Thunder From Down Under.

11:10: I look back and notice that my coat, hanging on a hook, is touching the floor. I think back to my in-depth conversation with Mustang about vomit on poorly-cleaned bar floors.

11:15: The Axl Rose looking guy is surfing Perez Hilton. This makes me thing less of him.

11:00: The stupid girl opening for Lickpenny Loafer covered Guns n’ Roses “Sweet Child of Mine”…poorly.

11:20: For the first time ever, I paid for a beer with change. It was a Molson Ex. It was my first time ever drinking Molson Ex. I bought it because I knew it would be cheap.

11;25: Donovan is the sound guy. I contemplate sleeping with him; then remember I don’t do roadies.

12:30: Lickpenny Loafer is done rockin’. They were amazing as usual (playing again this Saturday at the same place…check ‘em out).

12:45: Get home and realize I have nothing to blog about.

I have two rules for myself on a first date. Those two rules are:

1) Don’t get drunk

2) Don’t get naked.

While I still believe rule #2 should be adhered to, I’m taking rule #1 out. Here’s why. I just started dating this real “nice” guy. The first night we met, while I downed 6 pints in front of him, for some reason, he didn’t notice, and I managed to, somehow, pull off the illusion that I was sober. I even made it seem like I was the one who was going to be taking care of my friend.

Date #2, he showed up and I was already tanked. I had to hold on to the bar to keep myself upright. Maybe he thinks slurring is the way I normally talk? Anyway, the bar was closing and there was talk of an after party at someone’s house. I asked if he wanted to go, and he said that he needed to head home, but that I should go to make sure my friends were ok. He thought I was in better shape than them. Yikes.

Now I have to keep up the charade of being sober. Do you know how that is going to kill me? My favorite thing to do is get drunk! Actually, when I think about it, I remember having my first fight ever with my ex the first time he saw me drunk (in my defense, when I talked to him at 2am, he had a couple of guys over and a girl. I was not taking that lying down. When I showed up, she was wearing a shirt that I had given him as a night shirt because she was spending the night. She lucky I didn’t punch her nose off).

So screw it. I’m getting drunk on every first date. That way, they know what they are in for from the start. You know, then I’m always being myself. Unless of course breaking rule #1 leads to breaking rule #2. Then there are issues.

There has to be someone out there who will love a drunk and loud woman right? Maybe a drunker and louder man?

This is fucked up. My friend Julie got an invitation in the mail from her sister-in-law (Monica) inviting her to a an event celebrating a “special announcement”. Having already had plans to be out of town that weekend, she called her mother-in-law to find out what it was, and if her and her husband should cancel their plans. The mother-in-law said that it was an engagement party.

Julie and her husband were not happy with this. Monica’s first husband passed away only a few months ago, and they just thought it was too soon. They decided not to cancel their trip for the party, and headed out of town. Once they got back, they learned that the party wasn’t actually an engagement party, but a WEDDING!

I guess technically, it isn’t eloping since they invited everyone to come; but why on earth would you have a wedding and not announce it? Maybe because your husband’s grave hasn’t even had a chance to have grass grown on it and you know if you told people you were getting married they would un-friend you?

So now the family is pissed off at Julie because she didn’t attend. They claim that Julie and her husband should have guessed that Monica was an uncaring witch and wanted to forget the memory of her first loving husband as quickly as possible by marrying a man she barely knows. They are honestly angry with them! In fact, they took down Julie’s wedding picture from the wall!

I don’t normally approve of violence, but I kinda feel like someone needs to be pushed down the stairs here.

Does ANYONE think that the family has a right be angry?

Tags: eloping, marrying after death

On Saturday, I went out for sushi with 3 guys. (No, I was not on dates with all of them. They were friends.) Naturally, my pathetic dating life came up. And my favorite question “Why are you still single?” We spent about 50% of the night discussing what’s wrong with me. Of course, my favorite topic of conversation is myself, so I didn’t bother stopping it or changing the subject. And they were all too nice to say anything bad to my face so I got the usual “You intimidate guys”. Guys with vaginas maybe.

But anyway, I’m not going to bitch about that today. What I am going to bitch about is the fact that all three of them were single. Probably more single than me, if that’s possible. They also had a few years on me too. At least 5. Yet, the question of why they are still single never came up.

Why is OK for men to be in their late 30’s and single…and no one bothers them, yet a single girl is just a tragedy? AND, why does there have to be something wrong with me? Can’t I just be single because I haven’t found the right man yet? Why do we have to analyze what I am doing wrong? What’s wrong with them that they are still single?

I guess I should be thankful that my biological clock wasn’t metionned.

Tags: being single, single in 30's, single in the city