I’d heard a few of my guy friends talk about this book. It’s called The Game, written by Neil Strauss. I’m a third of way the through it, but basically it’s a memoir of some reporter who learns about pick-up artists and their tricks. When I heard my friends talk about it, and the tricks that the pick up artists use, I thought “there’s no way in hell that shit would work on me”. Reading what I have though, I’ve changed my tune and believe these guys are on to something. Thinking back to the gazillion times I’ve been hit on, there is rhyme to their reason.
Would you like to know the big secret? Have confidence and set yourself apart from the rest. It’s pretty much that simple, and you don’t need a book or mentor to tell you that. Anyway, they are some pretty good tips about how to approach a woman correctly and now that I’m reading this, I’m taking note.
I was out on Saturday for CharmWow’s birthday. There were maybe 10 ladies altogether (and one man- Jackie…he was a good sport). I got approached by 3 men that night and here is my analysis of what they did wrong:
Bachelor #1- I was sitting at a table and this guy taps me on the shoulder. I turn my head and he’s hovering over me asking me something with an Irish accent. I made him repeat it 3 times before I understood, and then his accent vanished. He had a pretty good opening, and follow-up, but his positioning was all wrong. The dude was hovering over my back and I couldn’t even look up at him. And he completely separated me from my group. So, I sent him packing.
Bachelor #2- I was at the bar buying the birthday girl a shot of something delicious, and these 3 men on the other side of bar started waving at me. I smiled politely. While I was ordering my drinks, one of the men came up beside me. He did not have an opener or follow-up at all. Here was our conversation:
Short Guy: Hi
FitDarcie: Hi
(long pause)
FitDarcie (trying to help him out): You enjoying your drink?
Short Guy: Yeah.
(long pause)
FitDarcie (kinda rooting for him to take the reins): You just out with your buddies for the night?
Short Guy: Yeah.
FitDarcie (takes her drinks and walks away).
Gentlemen: while I don’t think having canned speeches ready when you approach a girl is a good idea, I also don’t think you should come with nothing to say. Why walk all the way over from the other side of the bar? Maybe they had some sort of bet?
Bachelor #3- At the end of the night, most of the ladies had gone home, and it was just myself and CharmWow. Two guys came up to our table and sat down. The details of the conversation are a bit blurry (due to the aforementioned delicious shot), but their approach was just wrong. They totally imposed on us, made themselves comfortable at our table. We had nowhere to go really; to get away from them would mean to pack up all our stuff and head out. They also asked us if we wanted to take off with them and go to another bar. Within 3 minutes of meeting us, do you really expect us to take off with you? Give me a break.
Now that I’m into this book, I will be scrutinizing every guy who hits on me. I wonder if it’s rude to tell them what they did wrong? Maybe I could carry copies of the book with me, and when men fuck up so bad, I can just hand one to them?
There is a police station up the street from where I live that I have to pass it to get to the subway station. Yesterday, I was walking towards it, focusing all my attention on this short bald guy who was chasing after his kid. I didn’t notice this tall fully-haired guy come up in front of me until he stopped and I nearly ran into him. Our conversation:
Tall Fully-Haired Guy: Hi m’am.
FitDarcie: (taking the ear phones out of my ear): Uhm. What?
Tall Fully-Haired Guy: I said “hi”. How are you? You going to work?
FitDarcie: No, I don’t have a job.
Tall Fully-Haired Guy: Oh. Can I get your number? Do you have a man?
FitDarcie:Uh, I have a boyfriend. Sorry
Tall Fully-Haired Guy: Lucky guy. Good luck finding a job.
It was that quick.
The thing is, this is the third time that the exact same scenario has played out at that police station. (Originally written about here). What makes me appealing to cops? My theory? I look so innocent and wholesome that those upholding the law can’t resist me.
Tags: picking up, police Tags: thank youSo I’m reading this book, and in it, one of the main characters, a man, gets his heart spat upon by a woman. This utterly destroys him. It got me thinking about the way men and women treat heartbreak.
I remember the first time I got dumped. It was the worst time as well. I was in grade 12 and was dating a guy named Scott. I don’t remember the particulars of why he dumped me, but I remember the way my heart was in actual physical pain. I remember telling a girl in class the next day about it, and then she started talking about something else. The fact that she could even think of anything other than the turmoil I was in was incomprehensible to me. And it went on like that for the whole day until Scott and I got back together in 6th period.
I don’t think I’ve ever quite felt as wretched as I did that day ever again. Probably because I don’t think I’ve been formally dumped since…most of the others just ignored my phone calls until I got the hint. I still feel rotten when I realize it, but since we women fall so frequently, our ability to get back up is quite spectacular. We cry our eyeballs out for 30 minutes, write the nastiest e-mails we can think of to the guy but don’t send it, call up our girlfriends so they can remind us how much better we are than him anyway, then buy a tub of ice cream and call it a night.
Men on the other hand, they don’t fall in love as often as we do, but when they do, they fall hard. So when we, the women, decide that we’re too good for them and move on, it’s much harder for them to take. They do things like curl up naked sobbing next to the water heater, vomit, or write “Darcie has AIDS” on the wall in the men’s room.
You know, as I reread that last paragraph, I really wonder why it’s the women that are pegged as crazy?
Guys, I’m really sorry, I haven’t been getting out much with the whole not-working thing…I’m lucky the days I put pants on. So my blog has been shit. This is my remedy to spice it up.
Guess what I am doing in this picture or where it was taken. Put your guess in the comment section and the winner will get a pic sent to him/her of me blowing them a kiss.
I’m so sorry. I will make myself leave the house tomorrow to search for good FitDarcie content. Also, do you think I look cross-eyed in this photo? I’ll admit, not one of my best.
Tags: jailDo you still talk to your ex? I usually advise my friends against it. I find that you will never really find the future if you’re clinging to the past. Breakups are never mutual, so there is always someone who wants the relationship to continue. I’m not talking about the first few months after a long-term relationship…those are always riddled with late-night calls and drunken texts to “talk things out” or to “get closure”. I mean, do you carry on friendships with exes?
I always say that I never do…that I don’t talk to any of my exes, but I think this is a lie. I still talk to my college ex. He actually pops by my blog from time to time to see if I’ve written about him lately. He’s the guy who humiliated me on New Years Eve (read here). Of course, he his now engaged and has a kid…he couldn’t commit to me, asshole.
I still talk to that guy, but it took a good year and a half of e-mails and texts before it got to a point where it was completely plutonic. Do you think it’s ok to talk to your ex?
Thinking about last week’s post about how I would love to have someone put a note on my car professing their love to me, I was thinking about the+- time I got a call from a guy who had seen me and became instantly smitten…and then stalked me.
I was at a work function, which was attended by some D-list local celebrities. I did my thing, and left. The next day, I had an e-mail from one of these D-listers. I hadn’t spoken to him, or even noticed he was there, so I was suprised to get an e-mail from him. Apparently, for business purposes, I was talking to a friend of his, whom I had given my card to, and he made his friend give him my number.
Whatever, I thought it was a neat story, so I decided to go out with him. We went to a wine tasting event. He was fine as a date, good conversation. It started getting weird when he said something that made me throw my head back and laugh. This seemed to get him really excited, like now he was in, because I laughed at his joke. This was a display of lack of self-confidence that turned me off. This is when I realised how badly he wanted to impress me, and I therefore lost whatever interest I might have had in him.
That night, I met a woman who said she had never had an orgasm despite being married for 11 years. See yesterdays post on this.
On the ride home, he asked me if I would move in with him.
Whoa.
That was a bit fast.
He tried to kiss me in front of my house, but I bounded out of the car, thanked him for the ride and ran in. Free at last.
The next day was a work day. I am in the habit of screening my calls, and never answer if I don’t recognize the number. I had 10 calls from an unidentified number that day. When I got home, there was a message for me, from the D-List Celebrity, asking if I would go out and meet his friends that night. Uhm. Delete.
I got 15 more calls from him that night.
The next day, he showed up at my work. He told me that something came up, and he wouldn’t be able to take me out to diner the following night…..What? We had plans? Awkwardly, I told him I was ok with it.
15 more calls the next day. Finally, I picked up the phone, and in the most polite way possible, told him I wasn’t interested, and asked him to stop calling. He showed up at work a few more times, having seemingly forgotten our conversation, and called a few more times each day for a week.
After the first week, I was at a trade show. I introduced myself to some guy who immediately said “Oh, you’re D-List Celebrity’s girlfriend. He’s a good friend of mine. He talks about you all the time”.
Ok, slow it down there pal. I was there for work, so rather than go off on this guy about his loser friend, I just said “Yeah, we went out once.” During the cocktail hour of the show, I explained to him the situation, and that I was not in fact dating him at all.
Want to know how you give a guy who’s stalking you the hint? Date his friend.
Want to know how his friend eventually gives you the hint? By introducing you to his fiance when you bump into him randomly.
I met up with a friend last weekend that I hadn’t seen in a few years. It was amazing how quickly our catch-up conversation turned to sex, our once favorite topic. It’s no secret that women talk about everything when we’re away from mens’ ears. I know things about my friends’ boyfriends that the men probably don’t even know.
One of the subjects that came up was that of the sexual ability of men who have just come out of long-term relationships/marriages. They suck. I’ve brought this up with some of my other girlfriends since then, and there are a few common characteristics of the sexual behavior of men who have been with the same woman for an extended period of time:
1) They can only do one move. And not very well.
2) They have no idea what normally occurs when a woman is “done”, and therefore assume it is over when it is not even close to over.
3) Surprisingly, they can fall asleep very quickly immediately after, not at all aware of the disappointment they have left with their loved ones.
I’m not talking about the first time…we expect nothing from that. The only thing we hope for is that at the end the man doesn’t think we’re fat. The point of a relationship is to have things get better and better, and be more open with each other.
I always hear the jokes about how you stop having sex once you get married, but I didn’t think it was actually true. It appears that it is. That, or there is a serious lack of communication about the quality of it. I feel really sorry for the women involved with these men for an extended period of time.
I would like to talk to these women about the importance of asking for what they want, because clearly, they aren’t doing any of that. They need to know that it’s important to teach these men a few things, because when these women end up sour old hags because of lack of stimulation, they are going to drive these men onto the market. Once they are there, it’s me and my gal-pals that have to deal with improperly trained goods.
I think the saying goes that sex doesn’t matter unless it’s horrible. Ladies, let’s work together to make our men not-horrible.
I was asked this question several times over the last little while while discussing my recent speed dating adventure. Like I said, at the event, there were several guys who were smart, funny and interesting…yet…this didn’t seem to be enough. The truth is, I don’t know exactly what “enough” is.
I have tons of great guy friends. Guys I would set up with my single girl friends in a heartbeat. But none of whom I think are dateable to me. So what makes me choose one guy over another? If even I can’t answer that, then the men of the world don’t stand a chance.
Talking about it with my friend last night, we talked about the “whole package”. We date men that we think have the whole package. Looks aren’t enough, intelligence is not enough, personality is not enough. It’s some sort of weird combination of everything that makes it enough for us to find a man attractive. But even we can’t figure out what the code is. We just know we are attracted to some men, and not others that seemingly have the same qualities.
This is why we think it’s important to get know someone well before comitting to anything. This is why buying us drinks is important. You see, when we see men across a bar, we may or may not think they are attractive. Their physical appearance means nothing anyway. I have never gone out with a guy who just walked up to me and gave me his number, regardless of how attractive he was. But when you buy us a drink, you are buying a few minutes of our time to state your case, and let us assess whether your combination of goods is appealing to us. Did I make my case for men buying drinks for women at the bar?
I went to see my new massage therapist yesterday (great work if you’re in Toronto and looking for one). It was my second time with him. The first time didn’t go so well…he had me pretty much naked on his table and asked me if I worked out…If you’re touching my body, do you really need to ask? That, and he didn’t let me talk about me the whole time.
So yesterday was different, in that he actually told a story I was interested in hearing. He told me the story of how he and his fiance met (after he gave me “hang in there, you’ll meet your husband soon” lecture”). Looked at the wrong way, it was kind of stalkerish, but, basically, he left a note on her car (at the same time some pervert was leaving notes on women’s cars), she thought he was a stalker, and he chased her for months before she gave up.
There’s a lot more to it than that, but I was really touched by all of it. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted someone to leave a note on my car.
When I was 17, I pushed carts at the local grocery store, and therefore wore a name-tag. Some guy, who, now that I think about it was probably good-looking (at the time, he was probably 30, and that was too old to consider), came up to me with a note, signed by “Darcy” telling him she/he thought he was hot. He said I was the only Darcie he knew of. It wasn’t me….but it left a lasting impression on me. I don’t know if he ever found her, but I’ve ALWAYS wanted someone to leave a note on my car.
In fact, I always check my windshield for a note every single time I walk up to it…
Later on last night, I was out with some lady friends, and I told them my masseuse’s great story. Turns out, it happened to one of them…except that after she ignored the first message, she got a rose… A ROSE…Now, I’ll be the first to say that I’m not much of a romantic…but dammit, no one has ever left a rose on my windshield. Maybe I’d be more of a romantic if people left me random roses more often??
