A week or so ago, the guy I’m seeing made an observation about me. He said he figures I act different around him than I do around my other friends. It’s absolutely true, and I make no apologies for it. I act differently around everyone. It’s not different versions of me that come out, it’s the same me filtering myself in different ways. I have a zillion friends and a large family. I deal with so many different personality types that I have to act differently around different people. Some situations call for a mellow FitDarcie, others call for the more regularly-seen, loud-boisterous FitDarcie.
I was all set to do a whole blog post about why it’s ok to behave differently around the different types of people I hang out with, but then I met up with the guy who made the observation in the first place, and I paid attention to my behavior. I’m quite surprised that this guy still agrees to see me. I think I act creepy.
When I first started dating this guy, I asked two of my male friends who are in successful relationships for advice on how to not screw this up. They both gave me the same advice: calm yourself down. I didn’t think this was a big deal, but I think I might have taken it too far. The other night, I went to meet him, at a movie theater. I noticed him soon after I walked in, with his back turned to the entrance. Normal human interaction at this point would be to go up and say “hello”. I didn’t. I just walked up and stood next to him without saying anything and waited for him to notice. Who does that?
That got me thinking to the way I act around him, and, I hate to admit it, but I clam up around him. It’s not that I just don’t say what I’m thinking, I don’t think at all. Maybe I’m too worried about saying something stupid and screwing the whole thing up that my normally non-existent filter goes into hyper-overdrive and doesn’t let anything out. Maybe I’m nervous? I should just start drinking before I see him.
Not that men care what women have to say. Good thing I’m hot.
I’ve been in love with Lenny Kravitz for approximately 8 years. I don’t remember what it was exactly that drew me to him in the first place, but here is a list of things that I continue to love about him today:
- His hair…except when he cut it like a girl for the Baptism album cover.
- His music. Well, actually, I’m a little sick of it. I think it’s great and poetic, but I usually skip his songs when they come on my iPod. Sorry Lenny.
- His suave, relaxed, pot-smoking attitude. It’s like he just doesn’t give a damn.
- His tattoos. I want to lick them.
- His ability to wear pretty femmy clothes, and still look like a man. He also has the rare talent of being able to wear a wife beater, be skinny, and still make me foam at the mouth.
- He’s friends with Slash. I love Slash (though he’s not the marrying type…not like Tommy Lee. If it weren’t for the Hepatitis, I’d totally marry Tommy Lee). Being friends with someone like Slash really says a lot. I don’t know what, but something.
A scarf, on a man. Still hot.
Lenny Kravitz also holds some sentimental value for me. His concert about 7 years ago in Vancouver was the first one I ever travelled for…probably the first vacation I ever really took that didn’t involve my parents, and certainly the first time I ever went anywhere with my older sister.
He used to like the Jackson 5, so maybe he’s really distraught over Michael Jackson’s death and needs to put his head on my lap so I can make him feel better. I doubt he comes with much baggage, he hasn’t been seen with anyone since Nicole Kidman, who I am way younger than. When we do get married however, I will ask that we take his mother’s maiden name…Roker. Darcie Roker.
Before I start the post, I’d like to draw your attention to this article written by Eric over at Gen Go. It’s some sort of Toronto-get-up-and-do-stuff initiative for which I was interviewed because of my awesomeness.
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Yesterday, I did a post about people who are always in relationships. In one of the comments, George said something about giving off a vibe or portraying a certain image. I’m a firm believer in that. I think you attract what you are, and not what you want. Which is why I’m having issues with it today.
I think I scream comittment. There is nothing in my life that I am not committed to.
- I am committed to my fans: I write this blog every day before I go to bed. I write it after a day of work/gym/school. I get home at 10:30, and before I try to relax, I write. I don’t think I’ve missed a weekday post in 6 months. You’re welcome.
- I am committed to school. I have been taking night classes for about 3 years now working towards my CGA designation. During that time, I’ve missed one class, and that was so I could go speed dating to write about it for you (see my first listed commitment).
- I am committed to work. Ok, well now may not be a great example of this, but ask anyone who still works at my last job how much it sucks without me there. I’ve only ever called in sick once when I wasn’t sick, but that was only because my boss pissed me off. I have gone to work hungover more times than I can count. That has to mean something.
- I am committed to my friends. I don’t even like or respect some of them, but I stick by them no matter what.
- I am committed to events. When I check “yes” on an rsvp, I show up. Always.
- I am committed to my family. Any craziness that anyone thinks I have, comes from them, so to be committed to them is a huge deal.
- I am committed to my grudges. I was in the presence of someone who betrayed my trust about 4 years ago, and yes, I still hate her.
- I am committed to fitness. I was up at 6am this morning to get my gym on. How many people can say that?
- I am committed to my job search. I wore the same suit 3 days this week. ‘Nuf said.
I could go on. So after all that, I want to know what exactly is it that makes me so uncommitment worthy? There has to be one salient quality that overrides all my commitment-worthiness attributes, and I want to know what it is, because I am biased into knowing that I am perfect.
Here’s what I want in comments. I want new readers to tell me what they think of me, I want my regular readers to give an impression of me based on what I write, and those of you who know me AND read this blog to give me your impression of me. You can write them with a fake e-mail address so I wont know who it is. I have thick skin and can take it. I’m asking you to criticize me.
I know this guy, Ray, who ALWAYS has a girlfriend. I think he’s been engaged twice, which isn’t what I am refering to…he just always has girlfriends. Not women he’s dating or seeing, but actual girlfriends…after a few months of dating, they share lives to some extent…often living together. There seems to be no middle ground, he often goes from meeting someone, to having them move in.
I’m all for a fast-moving relationship…while it may not be the best thing for me, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with other people doing it. And I’ve been asked before if I met a guy that I really connected with, would I move in with him after 2 months? I can’t say yes or no to this…I believe that love at first sight is possible (Disney says so), but it’s never happened to me, and I’m a firm believer in thinking things through appropriately.
But with Ray, things are totally different…he’s been engaged. ENGAGED. I think he’s a few years older than me, maybe he’s 32. But he’s been betrothed twice. If my gender bias is correct, that would make him a player for the next 10 years…yet, he’s all for the relationships.I’ve met some of his women. They all seem normal…I relate to them. So what makes these seemingly normal women so-ready to move in with him? What makes him so ready to move in with them?
I think I’m out there looking for a relationship, and I’m a damn good catch. Am I just not relationship-prone like Ray and his ladies?
So I had an interview yesterday. It was with a recruiter. It went pretty well at first, then the interviewer brought in her boss to ask me more questions. I have a pretty professional FitDarcie…one who answers all those tough questions exactly how they should be asked and who comes off really smart and level-headed. This guy who came in though, totally threw me for a loop.
He asked me, in several different ways, how I deal with difficult people. I kept repeating the things I thought he wanted to hear. It wasn’t working, and I was beginning to panic. After the 5th time he asked, he threw in that this hypothetical difficult person was condescending to me and wouldn’t do what I asked. Then the real FitDarcie had some real trouble staying on the inside.
Condescending??? To ME???? No, that just doesn’t happen. People do what I tell them to do. That is one of my greatest strengths. No one feels superior to me. It’s a situation I cannot fathom.
While I tried really hard to push the real FitDarcie back inside instead of letting her loose on this unsuspecting recruiting manager, my face turned beat red, for the first time in about 15 interviews. And then she did it. FitDarcie said, with a smug and almost repulsed look on her face “Why would someone not listen to me?”
The interview didn’t last much longer than that. I’m not expecting a call back.
I’ve been passing through this site quite a bit lately through the regular course of internet surfing. AskMen, a blog that I should be allowed to contribute on. Since I’ve sat at my computer for one full hour and written nothing, I have turned to it for some ideas. I came across this recent article about things new girlfriends lie about and how to deal with them. I will provide you with the correct way on how to deal these lies:
1) I’ve Been With… Just don’t ask this question. What the hell is the point? If she’s been with 100 men, are you going to dump her? If she’s been with 2 men are you going to think she’s a prude? Can someone PLEASE explain to me why the hell you need to know the number? What exactly is a good number?
2) I’m a die hard (insert sports team here) fan. Dump her. Clearly she is a liar. Why the hell do women need to lie about that shit? I get angry. If she believes that she needs to be a fan of the same things you are in order to have a connection, maybe the problem is with you and your lack of interests.
3) Your friends are so cool! Your friends are idiots and she has the opportunity to judge you based on who you hang out with, and has decided to keep you anyway. You owe her. Something sparkly.
4) Oh this old thing? I just threw it on. I said this exact same line last week. Every outfit we wear is carefully planned for us to get a certain result. It wouldn’t hurt you to put a little more effort into looking like you don’t put in any effort.
5) I don’t normally do this. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh man. If she’s saying this, she thinks you’re a prude. (I think the article mentionned golf as an example of where this might be used, but we all know what was implied).
Physical attraction is super important. If I’m not attracted to someone immediately when I meet them, I never will be.
Tags: attraction, DatingI got onto the subway the other day, and sat across from this really attractive man. He caught me staring at him and smiled. I smiled back. Realizing the huge social faux-pas that I had just made (communicating with a stranger on the subway), I buried my head into my book. Until the next stop, I kept feeling this guy’s eyes on me and wondered what my next course of action should be. When I looked up again, I realized he wasn’t looking at me at all, and his smile to me was probably just a reflex of catching my eye. So I imagined a chemistry.
I know this guy who is under the impression that he and I have awesome sexual tension. I don’t understand how he can possibly think that because, in reality, he creeps me out. He’s friends with my friends so I run into him from time to time, and I try to avoid catching his eye, or talking to him at all, and he sees that as me being coy and elusive. He’s flat out asked me to sleep with him, on several occasions, and I have flat out refused. He thinks I am a prude. He’s actually said that. I am a prude, because I wont sleep with him.
So, this got me to thinking about all the times that I’ve felt chemistry with a guy. Was it real or imagined? I always assume that it goes both ways, but if the nut-bar I described above can think that I’m yearning for his man love, maybe I’ve imagined the chemistry I’ve felt with men. Is it ever really two-sided?
I started dating 16 years ago. My first kiss was with a guy named Brian who I met while camping near my hometown. Of course I assumed that since we kissed, we’d get married eventually (a thought I had about every guy I kissed for the next 5 years). When the camping trip was over, so were we. In my adolescent mind, I assumed that the powers of love would draw him back to me.
They did not.
Today, we don’t need to rely on the powers of love. We have Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, the Missed Connections section on Craigslist, etc. I’m a stalkers dream. Any of my exes can do a quick Google search and get all sorts of information on me. (I wonder if any of them read this blog and laugh at how much better their lives are than mine.) When you ask someone if they still talk to their ex, they say “No, but we text 3 times a week.”
This, I think, is a bad thing. I mean, if I was living large, or at least had a job, maybe it would be cool to shove it in their faces that they shouldn’t have lost my numbers. It’s also bad when I’ve been the one to get rid of them. If I get rid of them, there’s usually a reason that had something to do with them being emotionally handicapped douchebags. Yet, they still have access to finding out my every move. The other day, my fingers automatically Tweeted my exact location. That’s like giving someone a reason to stalk me.
It’s also bad the other way around. I occasionally google an ex or two, only to find a photo album somewhere of him with a blonde girl who wears scarves on a beach during their honeymoon.No matter how long after the breakup this occurs, I’m left with knowing that his issue wasn’t comitting, just comitting to me. It was so much simpler when a break up meant ceasing all communication.
Side Note: I tried looking up my first kiss on Facebook…there are some hot Brian’s on there, but not mine. Still holding out on those powers of love.
Before I continue, let me clarify that he’s a registered massage therapist, not one of those seedy masseuses that 9/10 men have seen but wont admit to. He’s really good at what he does, but he lacks in the conversational department. I first mentioned him here, but let’s start at the beginning.
My first visit, he promptly told me he was engaged. Some guys do this when they assume you are hitting on them. I was not. That same visit, he asked me if I went to a gym. I was lying on my stomach with only 1 small garment on under the sheet and his hands were all over my body…I’m FITDarcie. Did he really need to ask?
On the second visit, he asked of my marital status. I crack some sort of joke about how I could write the book on how NOT to have a relationship. He told me that it confuses him about why I could be single, because I am really hot. (He also said earlier that I looked completely different from my first visit…does that mean I was ugly on my first visit?). I HATE it when men say this…this implies that all there is to me is my looks. Yes, I am insanely attractive, but dammit, I can write some good shit too.
He started going through his list of friends telling me which were single, which weren’t dateable, etc. I pretty much tuned out to the entire conversation because they all lived in the suburbs and I would never date a burb dude.
Despite the fact that the second visit was a little weird, he was good at what he did, so I went back a third time. When I walked in, he handed me a post-it with a guy, Brent’s, phone number on it. A lawyer he says. Great guy, he told him about me, and I should go out with him. (He also swore me to secrecy about it…I never told him I blogged).
This guy, talked non-stop during all three of my visits…I don’t think we ever even got to the stage where he asked me what I did for a living, yet, based on what my body looks like while I’m on my stomach, he deemed me good enough to be set up with one of his friends. If I wasn’t so flattered about how awesome that made me feel about my body, I’d be really insulted.
Think that was kosher?
