I was reading some girly magazine yesterday, and it was doing one of those things where they compare things that happened in different decades. This article was about how being single was different in the 80’s than it is now. It made fun of marriage being a status symbol back then…this got me to thinking…is it still a status symbol? When we meet someone, and find out their marriage status, does this cause us to view them in different ways?

Let’s take men for instance. The image I have in my head of a single man in his 40’s is completely different from what I think about a married man at the same age. I think they wear different types of watches. A married man would wear a steel band, an single guy a leather band.

Now lets do women. When I think of a single woman in her 30’s, I think of me: an amazing fun, outgoing booze-hound. When I think of a married woman, I think of a sad, lonely and depressed woman. I may be biased.

What do you think? If the only thing you knew about someone was their marriage status, what would you think?

Tags: marriage, relationships

I was out my gal-pal Red from Dates and Lemons the other night, and we were lamenting the woes of singledom in Toronto. As fearless, strong and independent women, we both agreed that we don’t like to ask men out. I know we had a similar discussion to this in the comment section the other day, but I have a million reasons why I don’t like to ask men out. One of the main reasons is that I’d prefer to not be the aggressive one in a relationship. I prefer my men to have balls. I don’t play hard to get or anything like that, I make it easy for a guy to ask me out, and let him know that he will get a positive response if he asks me….or am I?

Red asked me the question- what are the signs to let a man know I am interested…and I couldn’t answer. Clearly, whatever it is I’m doing isn’t working. So, I am asking you guys…how are we supposed to let you know we’re flirting? Men typically think we want to sleep with a man if we walk past them, so I realize you all think that everyone is flirting with you, so let me set the scene for you:

I’m at a dinner/cocktail party at someone’s house. There’s maybe 15 of us altogether, and we’re standing around chatting. Like on the Kahlua commercials. I decide that I really like you, one of the other guests. Of course, we all kinda know each other, but I’m not in sixth grade, so I wont ask the host to ask you if you think I’m nice. I’ve somehow managed to get your attention…how do I let you know that if you asked me out, I would say yes?

Keep in mind, that you need to be the aggressor here…gotta have bigger balls than me.

Some starter lines I may or may not have used in the past to help you along in coming up with suggestions:

1) Wow. You have great biceps. Do you workout?

2) I have a leaky pipe. You look like a handy man.

3) I’m really looking to settle down and start having a family. Thinking of 5 kids. You?

4) Can you massage my neck? Thanks. Lower. Lower. Lower. Oh did I say neck? I meant ass.

So, any tips for me?

Tags: Dating, flirting, meeting new people

One of the worst things about first dates is when the guy sits there and says nothing, so we, the fearless women, try to take charge of the conversation. We end up asking rapid fire questions to which we get yes or no answers. It’s like they’ve never had a conversation before…or they’re used to be interrogated by the KGB.

I bring this up because I’m being vultured by a guy at the gym. He’s a short scrawny Italian guy who carries boxing gloves though he doesn’t box, and he calls me “Bella” all the time. He’s been working out at my gym for 2 years, and hasn’t yet gotten the courage to approach me. He’ll pass by me and say “excuse me Bella” or he’ll say “Bella, is that bench being used?”, but he’ll never full on ask me my name or try to talk to me. Last night, however, I was petrified he was about to make his move. He really circled me for a while.

And as I was avoiding eye contact and turning my back to him, I began to imagine what a date with him would be like, and that’s when I started thinking about how annoying it is when we have to make all the conversation. If you’re not at making small talk, take us to a basketball game or something.

Now, I wish I could relate a real life experience to the imaginary one I just spoke of, but I can’t get a date to save my life lately. I have friends who stop dating on purpose, something I have never done…and they get more dates than me.

Tags: first dates, meeting people

This is another question I hate, and I actually never answer it. How are you supposed to answer it? Should I recite off a memorized list of qualities I am looking for in a man? Or should I get all starry eyed as I think of how I envision my future prince charming?

The truth in, I have no clue. I am always surprised by what I find attractive about men, and often find I am attracted to men that are not necessarily ‘perfect’ for me. Even physical qualities can be way off from you would expect.

If you’re about to say “you wont find him if you don’t know what you’re looking for” then you’re about to receive a punch in the nose. I have friends who have put together collages of what their perfect man should be. I have friends who have put lists of the qualities they are looking for in a man on their bathroom mirrors so that they read them every day and focus on making it happen.

I am not like that. I don’t believe there’s that much work involved. I’m kinda banking on just realizing that I like someone after I meet them. Hell, I never meet anyone, so making a list that could possibly cross out some of the few people I meet doesn’t sound like a fabulous strategy.

So, now, when someone asks me the annoying question of what it is I’m looking for in a man, I am just going to say Gerard Butler, because really? he is the perfect man. Him and Robert Downey Jr. At the same time. Watch for them in future Future Husbands posts.

Tags: Dating, meeting men

Back in high school, a geek was the type of guy who got beat up a lot. If the geek was small enough, he’d get shoved into a locker (Teenwolf, this ever happen to you??). Then, one day, Bill Gates became a millionaire. This was the entire geekworld sticking their tongues out at jocks. 10-year high school reunions became full of rich geeks and car-salesmen who used to play hockey. The geek became cool.

In came geek chic.

It started becoming cool for people to be geeks. When I first moved here, I dated a jock/spoiled-brat-who-dumped-me-over-voice-mail…and he bragged to me about how he calls himself a geek. I remember thinking that was retarded.

Then I got caught up in it.

I spent 2 years working for a startup blog company (and started FitDarcie then). Though I knew my way around the web before that, it was there that I would be thrown into the geekworld head first. I spent a lot of time at “networking events” and tradeshows surrounded by geeks.

(Note the difference between geeks and nerds. It’s pretty much Star Wars vs Star Trek.)

The thing that’s pissing me off lately about geeks, is their egos. They think they are god’s gifts to the world. “Hey look at me! I have an idea! I will Twitter it!”. They get one retweet and BOOM! They are an entrepreneur. (the definition of entrepreneur in the geek world? someone who makes no money doing what he loves. Hoping Microsoft will buy him out for millions. Which wont happen).

I was at a tradeshow in Vegas, Blog World Expo. The keynote speaker, Mark Cubin, who’d I’d heard of about 20 minutes after he was done, was a friggin’ celebrity. He’s like the ultimate geek. He’s made millions being a smart geek, then he bought a sports team. Of course they love him. At the end of the show, I was sitting outside waiting for my boss, and Mark Cuban came running out, followed by a stream of about 20 geeks begging for “just 5 minutes of his time”. They were probably looking for a quote for their blog, or to touch him, or to rip his jacket off and sell it on eBay.

So, uber-rich geeks get hounded by sub-par-poor geeks. The sub-par-poor geeks get hounded by no one. None of them get hounded by women. Do you know who gets hounded by uber hot women? Tiger Woods. A jock. So really geeks…what have you achieved? You and bunch of other people who lack the social capacity to make friends in real life become ’social media’ experts (read: know how to make friends online) and follow each other on Twitter.

Have you ever been to a geek party? Remember all those geeks that showed up to your high school party and never drank? They’re making up for lost time. Now you have grown men binge-drinking and making out with sofas. Not cool.

The geek regime is over. Bring back the jocks. Or nerds. Why can’t math be the next big thing? Accountants maybe? Accountant-chic. I like that. Let me count your money baby. Ooooh yeah. Talk spreadsheet to me. Audit this hot stuff.

Tags: geeks, social media

I have to say something about it. I don’t know if I’m noticing more of it this year, or if our society has reached such a state of obesity that everyone seems to be on some kind of ridiculous diet or workout regime…but it’s getting retarded.

My extended family has started a Biggest Loser contest with each other. I’m getting the hourly updates to how their trek is going, and if I lived anywhere near them, I would shake them (but I love you all). I have an aunt who’s in her 50’s, has eaten a certain way all her life that has led her to be part of this program, and is now on a 1000 calorie a day diet. 1000 calories a day!!! I thought that was insane until some of my friends (a couple) told me they were on that cayenne pepper/maple syrop/lemon juice diet. Why, oh why, do people do this to themselves? Cleanses are nothing but metabolism-fucker-uppers and extreme diets are nothing but gain-it-all-back-and-them-some-while-falling-into-ultimate-depression routines. After the age of 15, nothing about you is going to change over night. Baby steps people…baby steps.

Then there’s the gym. I overheard some guy talking about his new diet. He eats nothing but 2 muffins a day for a week, then he adds in nuts…. What. The. Fuck. People, let’s not take diet advice from people we meet at the insane asylum.

Then there’s the people who in denial. “I started exercising for 30 minutes twice a week, and now I’ve gained weight- it’s my fat turning into muscle.” People, fat NEVER turns into muscle. This is biologically not possible. Secondly, you don’t gain muscle by accident. You have to make a conscious effort to  put muscle on, and it doesn’t happen by doing cardio, it doesn’t happen over a 3 week span. What is happening is that you feel you need to reward your 30 minute walking session by having pizza and ice cream. You are getting fatter.

If you are new to the gym, welcome! unless you are any of these people, then please leave:

- the woman who says she needs to rest for a few days after beginners yogo. You stretch. You don’t need a rest from that at all.

- the man who grunts and yells while benching 50lbs. You are making an ass out of yourself and I am afraid that you are going to drop that 50lbs weight on my foot. When you grunt loud enough for the whole gym to hear, they are all laughing at you, no one thinks you are a stud

- the woman who went shopping at the New Balance store and figured that because it is a fitness store, all the clothes are appropriate for working out. Fall jackets are not meant to be worn on the treadmill, you look like and idiot

- the women who walk 1mph on the treadmill. It is not good for the machine to be going less that 1.5mph. You can actually wreak it. If I was walking down the street and you were in front of me going 1mph, I would push you out of the way. No one walks that slow except the old dude with palsy who pushes his cart up and down my street.

- the guy who stole my bench, after I wiped it down and left my water bottle on it, then turned my back to get a weight. Have you seen me lately? No one takes my damn bench.

- anyone who’s new and thinks they can talk to me. I am gorgeous. I get hit on at the gym all the time. I hate it (that’s a lie. I love it). How did I get this amazing body? By working out effectively. How do I work out effectively? By not wasting my time talking to you. You’ve been working out for 3 weeks. I don’t date men who have smaller biceps than me.  Also, my body is in a league you’ve never even heard of, comments like “for a girl, you really seem to know what you’re doing” or “I know a way you could better target your abs” don’t really fly when you have a keg for a stomach and I could crush your head with my abs. Fucker.

You have no idea how good that felt to write.

Tags: Gym Pet Peeves, losing weight, new years resolutions

A very unfortunate phenomenon is occurring in our society, and I think it needs to stop. I spent a lot of time last weekend participating in girl talk, and it seems that men are no longer making physical appearances in our lives. Initially, I thought I was doing something wrong…last year I had 3 relationships with men I’d never see. It was a little ridiculous. But I’ve discovered that men all over are doing this, to most of the women I know.

For me, the cycle would be, meet up with the guy, not sure whether or not I liked him, thought I’d give it another shot the next time, wait 4 months, see him again, but it was like being on the first date all over again…and not in a good way. First dates get tired after a while if they’re always with the same guy. Besides, classy ladies like me don’t put out on the first date, and since these relationships were all first dates, no one was getting anything.

So, this begs the question, what’s the point? These men who do this are nothing special…if we had the opportunity to go on 3 dates within a few weeks, we’d figure out there is no future, and the relationship would be over. But instead these going nowhere relationships are being dragged on forever and without purpose.

My first thought was that maybe these men think they would be hurting our feelings if they were to stop talking to us (I use the term ‘talk’ loosely here, as what I really mean is e-mail and/or text). But this is preposterous. Upon meeting me, men should know how unimportant and disposable they are, and therefore should know that them ceasing communication with me would have little to no effect of my life.

So, I decided that it’s because of the ego boost they get by having us return their communication. I wont lie, it makes me feel good to get an e-mail from a guy, even if I don’t like him. So it stands to reason that men might feel the same. They’re flattered to receive e-mails from a hot babe such as myself, even though they have no intention of pursuing a relationship with me. A resolution of mine for 2010? No more e-mails or texts. You want to talk to me, you have to pick up the phone, at which point, you will promptly realize that I am not a phone person and  you will have to ask me out on a damn date. Is that too much to ask?

The next question becomes…if they don’t want to see me often enough to ensure they will get laid, where are they getting the sex from. My guess is hookers. Which makes them disgusting pigs and I want them to lose my number anyway.

Sorry about the blog being down all weekend…I didn’t notice until Sunday evening, and then by the time it was up, I was at work, and I don’t blog at work. Thanks to my readers for their concerned e-mails yesterday. Fuck you to my friends who don’t check my blog often enough to have noticed.

On Saturday, I went out for sushi with 3 guys. (No, I was not on dates with all of them. They were friends.) Naturally, my pathetic dating life came up. And my favorite question “Why are you still single?” We spent about 50% of the night discussing what’s wrong with me. Of course, my favorite topic of conversation is myself, so I didn’t bother stopping it or changing the subject. And they were all too nice to say anything bad to my face so I got the usual “You intimidate guys”. Guys with vaginas maybe.

But anyway, I’m not going to bitch about that today. What I am going to bitch about is the fact that all three of them were single. Probably more single than me, if that’s possible. They also had a few years on me too. At least 5. Yet, the question of why they are still single never came up.

Why is OK for men to be in their late 30’s and single…and no one bothers them, yet a single girl is just a tragedy? AND, why does there have to be something wrong with me? Can’t I just be single because I haven’t found the right man yet? Why do we have to analyze what I am doing wrong? What’s wrong with them that they are still single?

I guess I should be thankful that my biological clock wasn’t mentioned.

This post was originally posted on Feb 16th, 2009. I wanted to write about it today, then realized I already did. I guess I’m still pissed about it. Fuckers. Sorry for my lack of creativity. I just got a PVR. Don’t be surprised if I never leave my house again.

Tags: being single

A few days ago, I posted about how a good friend of mine got engaged and I am fearful she’s going to turn into one of those annoying couple people, who thinks she better than everyone else because she is in a relationship. I decided I probably needed to make a list of appropriate comments to make when receiving congratulations on her engagement.

1) “He clips his toe nails in front of me” That and having someone feel comfortable enough around me to fart are two of my biggest fears. They are both disgusting and should only be done behind closed doors. Burping is a real close second. Haha, I think the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard is “He farts around me. I’m so glad we’ve reached that level in our relationship.” That’s so retarded. I never want to be that comfortable with a man. I never want a man to be that comfortable around me.

2) “He wants to go with me everywhere I go” Another pet peeve and fear of mine. The loss of brunch with the ladies is a huge deal. When girls get together, we talk about sex. Nothing is a bigger conversation stopper than having the man whose penis we are about to make fun of is sitting right next to us.

3) “I met the best looking man the other day, and he asked for my number. I couldn’t give it to him…so I gave him yours.” Thank you.

4) “I haven’t had sex in months” I know that it’s a stereotype that people stop having sex once they get married, but I have to admit, I’m still shocked every time I find out that it’s actually true. Which probably explains Bonzer Wolf’s comments last week. He’s probably just frustrated with his own pathetic life.

5) “I think I’ve made a huge mistake” Not that I want my friend to say this…I would like just one person to admit they made a mistake before they announce their divorce. It’s usually obvious to everyone else in the world…but it seems like the people in the relationship never seem to know they are in a shitty marriage until after the divorce.

Part 1: They are renovating the men’s washroom at my gym, so now the men are using the ladies. That’s beyond creepy.

Part 2: With the flurry of new members at the gym trying to get a New Year’s resolution in, there’s one new member who is destroying me. She tans and has fake boobs. A while back, I had blogged about a woman who started going to my gym who was hotter than me, but we were at least in the same category, and pretty close in looks. A few extra hours a week at the gym, and I could’ve been better than her in no time. Luckily, she quit working out there so I don’t have to try.

This new woman though, the fake boobs. I got nothing on those. This is where all the men will jump in and say “real is so much better than fake”. Tell me the last time a natural B cup walked by and you nudged your friend telling him you’d love to motorboat those puppies.

When I work out, I wear the sports tops that push the boobs flat against the chest. With natural boobs, this is easy. Put a woman in the same shirt with those fake ones, where do you your eyes go?

And when you say real boobs are better than fake boobs, what you really mean is that real boobs that are identical to fake ones in size and firmness are better.

So now I think I’m going to start wearing baggy t-shirts to the gym. That or get a pair myself.

Tags: image issues, large breasts