I was chatting with my friend Mark at the gym yesterday. I don’t remember how the conversation started, but the subject came up of bigger ladies being better in the sack. Mark’s girlfriend is all of 100lbs soaking wet, and he’s apparently never tested the theory of the bigger ladies. He was trying to come up with a reasonable explanation as to why that could possibly be true. He wondered if maybe they started the rumor themselves to better their chances of getting some.

That got me thinking about other stereotypes that may have been started by the group of people they represent. Not all stereotypes show a culture/race/sex in a bad light. Maybe these were started by themselves? Here’s the ones I am questioning.

1) Black people are better dancers. Remember the 80’s? Us white folks owned the dance floor back then. Most of the moves were aerobic, or just plain old shaking. I think black people got together and decided they needed to do something about it. So they started blasting their boomboxes in the middle of the street and made fun of us white people. We white people were shamed into a corner. Now, everyone “knows” that black people can dance way better than white people. Except when we drink. Then we’re awesome.

2) Women are bad drivers. Are we really? The last I heard, women were in way fewer accidents than men. I think our insurance is cheaper because of it. I think this started when one woman just got fed up of driving. She pulled some bonehead move and got in a fender bender with her husband’s new Mercedes while adjusting her stiletto. Her husband went around and told everyone what a horrible driver she was. And boom, men started driving us places.

3) Jewish people are good with money. So is FitDarcie. Give FitDarcie all your money so she can do stuff with it. Come on. This is the easiest one! They started this rumor ages ago. I’ll give ‘em credit for it. It’s genius.

Desperation is often associated with women, and not so much with men. You might remember that last week I went speed dating, an enjoyable passtime for me. Like I said, I said yes to 3 guys. I seriously contemplated writing back to one of them, only because he was HILARIOUS. I have been thinking a lot about chemistry lately, and wondered if maybe some might ignite after spending more than 7 minutes with him.

This guy was the first to contact me. He did it about 3 seconds after the matches were sent out. Normally I would have balked at his eagerness, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The event was on Thursday, before our long weekend, so I didn’t really think about it too much until Monday night, when I was deciding whether or not I should write back.

Then he e-mailed me again “I’m not sure if you got the first one, I was having issues with my e-mail, so I thought I’d send it again”.

That’s pretty much begging. It’s also indicative of self-esteem issues. Now I’m completely turned off. Next!

Every now and then, someone gives you one line that opens your eyes and makes you really get it. Last week, I was bitching to a male friend of mine about how much men suck, and he said this:

Guys are pretty simple, you just can’t believe them for like the first 6 months.

Such a simple sentence, with so much insight. (I’ve known that guy for like 2 years, so I can believe him).

So I went speed dating again last night. First I want to tell you what I love about speed dating.

#1- I’m huge on social interaction. I love to meet new people, get to know them, find out what’s interesting. Speed dating allows you to meet 14 guys in 2 hours.

#2- I make amazing first impressions.

#3- It’s no big deal if you don’t like the person you’re talking to…you only have to last 7 minutes with them

#4- If you do like someone, it’s easy to get their contact information without being awkward.

#5- If you’re singing up for speed dating, you’re probably sociable, and you’re looking to meet new people, so there’s no issue with walking up to someone and striking up a conversation (during the breaks and stuff).

#6- It’s socially acceptable when you’re done with a guy to yell “Next!”

Now let’s get on to last night. There were 14 guys. As I predicted when I went in, 2 were a complete nightmare. One I checked “no” to the second he sat down, the other loves musicals…like he loves being in them. No thanks.

9 were decent guys with good conversation, but had nothing great about them.

That leaves me with 3 yeses. Now, I force myself to say “yes” to a small % of the guys. I hate it when people say I’m too picky, so I chose the ones that I could envision spending another 2 hours with and not wanting to gouge my eyes out. 2 of the guys I chose simply because they were hilarious. The other guy was ok, not charming or good looking, but interesting.

Of the 3 yeses, none have me thinking about tropical weeks in paradise on a hammock. They were all great guys, but not the type that I think would have a shot at the title. But I said yes anyway, and I (naturally) they said yes to me. So now I’m sitting on their e-mails. I don’t think I particularly want to date any of them, but they would be amazing guys to hang out with.

So the question: I met them at an event where by simply showing up I indicated that I was looking to meet someone; how do I politely tell them they are great, but I really just want to be friends?

This actually happened on Sunday, but I didn’t want 2 Mustang posts in a row.

Actually, it goes back to Saturday.

So Saturday, I’m hanging out bored to tears on my new sofa, reading someone berate me for not asking Mustang out, and my hand uncontrollably moves to my phone and punches in his number to the text message screen. I asked him out for wings. The message was something like “What’s up? If you’re not doing anything today, want to go for wings?”

And then I waited. And waited. And waited. He didn’t text me back. I was sulking by the end of the day. See, this is exactly what I was afraid of. I’m not a sissy, and can ask guys out…but I run into Mustang at the gym, and I had to go to the gym on Sunday. I run into him on Fridays and Sundays. Now things have changed. Now I’m going to run into him as the woman who he didn’t respond to. The powers have shifted. I mostly blame Brett for pressuring me to do this.

And Sunday I ran into him at the gym. 24 hours after I sent him an unanswered text message. I felt sheepish. We were both in the same area working legs. He completely ignored me aside from a head nod while he chatted up some fatty. This is how it was going to be from now on. Embarrassing.

As time went on, our paths crossed a million times in that one hour. Finally, as I was finishing up, he came over to chat. It was more embarrassing that he didn’t even try to give some lame excuse as to why he didn’t respond  to my text. I would have said something about my aunt being sick in the hospital or how I went completely nuts and thew my phone at the wall (it’s happened before). Then he pulls out his phone to show me…his new phone.

Hmmmm.

FitDarcie: A new phone? When did you get it?

Mustang: I got it last week. But I found it, so the sim card doesn’t work properly. I keep having to switch my sim card back and forth between this phone and my old phone.

FitDarcie: So, is that why you didn’t return my text from yesterday?

Mustang (a look of complete shock on his face): You sent me a text? What did it say?

And the powers have shifted to their rightful position.

FitDarcie: I was sitting around not doing much yesterday, so I asked if you wanted to go out for wings or something.

Mustang: YES!!! Er…uhm…I mean…I will answer that text soon.

And now I’m more powerful than before.

I have new one for my list of questions never to ask a single girl: “What’s new?”

It seems like such a harmless question, I know. But here’s the problem. I don’t know if I just stopped noticing for a while, but Facebook has that little notification thing in the corner where it suggests friends for you based on who you are currently friends with. A few people I haven’t spoken to in a number of years have been popping up and I have been adding them.

I moved to Toronto 6.5 years ago. I consider that to be the last big occurrence in my life. There are a lot of smaller things that happen, but when I talk to someone I haven’t spoken to in 3 years, the smaller things aren’t important.

So, it happens that I connect with someone, they send me the obligatory e-mail of all the goings on their lives, engagements, marriages, kids…then they turn on me and ask “what’s new”.

I honestly replied to one of these with the news of both my sisters’ pregnancies…to someone who has never met my sisters.

I need new life changes. Maybe I should move to Costa Rica. That should buy me a few years.

I wrote the above last night before going to the gym, and the above was the result of one of those throw your head back in laughter conversations I had with a girl friend of mine. Just after I wrote it, I headed off to the gym. I went to a different Extreme than the one by my work so I could visit with an old friend of mine who works out there (those who have been around for a while, I met with up Mark, who hates Teenwolf with a passion).

Anyway, so the second I step into the gym, I run into The Masseuse.

The Masseuse was this guy I used to work with when I was training at Bally’s. He was irresistibly hot. The guy oozed sexuality. He was pretty much physically perfect. He was a personal trainer, a masseuse and he also competed in body competitions. And he was black. Perfect. Actually, I got fired from Bally’s because the boss walked in on him giving me a massage during work hours. I still do not regret it in any way.

So I run into him. He’s working there. And here’s the thing. I’ve got it on my brain that so many life changing things can happen during the period of time where I don’t see someone…and it’s probably been 4 years since I’ve seen this guy…and I’m suspicious he may have turned gay. I don’t think I have very good gaydar or anything, but though nothing changed about him physically, he didn’t ooze the raw sexuality I once knew him to ooze. And he had that lisp thing.

I need more gay friends to help me out with this.

I haven’t had a boyfriend for 4.5 years now. Somewhere in the 4.5 years, rules have changed. Maybe it’s because the men I date now are more mature, and are genuinely looking for something long term, but they seem to have difficulty differentiating between a “girlfriend” and a “wife”. I can name a million men I’ve had this conversation with:

Me: We’ve been on 40 dates, we get along, we like each other, we should probably start telling people we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

Him: Why do we need to label it? We’re having a good time, and I’m not seeing anyone else.

Me: It’s awkward when I meet your friends and you introduce me as the woman you are having monogamous sex with and go for nice dinners with all the time. I think “girlfriend” might be a little easier.

Him: I just want to make sure the next person I refer to as my girlfriend is someone special.

When did we start skipping steps? I thought the steps were girlfriend-fiance-wife. Now it seems we go from dating to wife. There is no rule that says you have to marry someone just because they are your girlfriend.

If we’re at the stage that we are having monogamous sex and going out to nice dinners on a regular basis, you’re going to have to break up with us (women) if you don’t want to continue seeing us anyway. The only difference is that when we’re at a party and we meet some woman you know and you introduce us as “friends”, we don’t go home and sob in the bathroom.

I really don’t get what the big deal is. I’ve actually started using the term “non-boyfriend”. When my friends ask what I did last night, I prefer saying “I went out with my non-boyfriend last night” than saying “I went out with the guy I’ve been seeing for 6 months but wont call me his girlfriend”.

So, I ran into Mustang last night at the gym. We were chatting about my experiences doing fitness competitions and he asked to see photos…not his first request for these.

I’ve known the guy for 2 and a half years now, I should probably show him the photos…the problem is that in order to do so, I would need to e-mail them to him. I have his e-mail address now, and could send them at any time, except with the 1.9MM e-mail addresses I have, none of them are anonymous, and though he knows my first name (which if you google, FitDarcie comes up 3rd), the knowledge of my last name give him the ultimate power to find this blog.

If Mustang found this blog, he would also find 2 years worth of posts on himself.

So the question I have for you: If you were Mustang, and you found this blog, how would  you feel about that? I personally LOVE to find anything about myself on the web. Even when that dick smack Bonzer Wolf dedicated an entire post to his hatred to me, I was deeply flattered, so if I were Mustang, I would be flattered to find an entire category on myself.

Thoughts?

I have been living in this apartment for over 4 years now. Since I have moved into this place, I have been dumped 10.9 million times. Not only that, but 10.8 million times out of 10.9 million, I get dumped in the exact same spot on my sofa.

So I got rid of the sofa.