2:30am, The Bus
As I mentioned last week, we had our office Christmas party on Friday. It went pretty late, and by the time I was ready to leave, the subway had stopped running. I decided to walk out of the crowded entertainment district before grabbing a cab, I figured it would be quicker anyway. Once I got out of the district, the elusive bus was coming, and I figured I’d save a few bucks taking that instead of a cab.
For you non-Torontonians, this after-hours bus, on the weekends, is affectionately known as the vomit-comet. Most people taking it are pretty shit-faced. While I’d had a few drinks, I was no where near the level of intoxication of most of the people on there.
About 3 seconds after I sat down, some young, bearded, red-headed guy spotted me. The look on his face was priceless…like he hadn’t eaten in days and I was a thick, juicy steak. He immediately comes over and kisses my hand. The conversation:
Redhead: Hey, what stop are you at? Can I walk you home?
FitDarcie: Uhm, no. I can get home ok.
Redhead: Come on please? I think I love you.
FitDarcie: No, really, I don’t think so.
Redhead: Pleaaaaase? I REALLY think we should go home together.
FitDarcie: No.
Redhead: If I get down on my hands and knees and beg? Then will you let me go home with you?
(Before I can even respond, the dude is on his hands and knees, on the bus. with his head rubbing my knees.)
Redhead: So? Now can I come home with you?
FitDarcie: No.
Redhead (stands up and kisses my hand again): This is my stop. I love you.
I am instantly mortified when he gets off the bus, and I realize all the passengers are staring at me. Was I supposed to do something? Get up and make a speech about how much of a big deal I am? Tell them to read all about it on FitDarcie.com?
Sitting next to me was a young Spanish kid, who, turned to me a few moments later and said:
YoungSpanishKid: So? Can I walk you home?
I began to search the ceiling of the bus for a hidden camera.
December 7th, 2009 at 10:26 am
ROFL!!!! Thats awesome. Wow, now I know why I dont ride the bus. Incidentally, what bus # was it to make sure I never come near it?
So, you never mentioned which one you went home with? It was the redhead wasnt it? Hahaha.
December 7th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
You know, the whole time this kid was begging for me, I couldn’t help but wonder…is this Brett who has found me?
December 7th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Hahahahaha. First off, I dont beg hun. I demand. I frequently get rejected, but atleast I get rejected on my feet, not my knees. Second, I am neither Spanish, nor ginger. Third, How do you know Im in Toronto? Looks like someone is a stalker.
No need to stalk FitDarcie, just ask ;)
But seriously, what bus was that? Ive been on a couple of late night buses, and I dont think Ive ever seen or heard of anything anywhere near that shady.
December 7th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
I suppose the upside was that no one was beheaded and/or eaten.
December 7th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
hahaha This reminds me of the buses in Quebec city during Carnaval. I distincly remember going home on the bus one night as the person in the back tried to get the driver to stop, and when he didn’t, he used the bus door as a back splash. Everyone got off at the next stop.
December 8th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Brett- It was a late night bus. I am most definatly not telling you my route home.
Adrian- that’s always a good thing…and a reason I hate the bus
Janice- there was one girl on this bus who fell on the floor, barely staggered up, then fell on my lap before demanding the bus driver let her off. She promptly barfed her guts out. I guess if you really want to bus driver to let you off at a non-stop, just fall all over the place.