Afraid To Speak
A week or so ago, the guy I’m seeing made an observation about me. He said he figures I act different around him than I do around my other friends. It’s absolutely true, and I make no apologies for it. I act differently around everyone. It’s not different versions of me that come out, it’s the same me filtering myself in different ways. I have a zillion friends and a large family. I deal with so many different personality types that I have to act differently around different people. Some situations call for a mellow FitDarcie, others call for the more regularly-seen, loud-boisterous FitDarcie.
I was all set to do a whole blog post about why it’s ok to behave differently around the different types of people I hang out with, but then I met up with the guy who made the observation in the first place, and I paid attention to my behavior. I’m quite surprised that this guy still agrees to see me. I think I act creepy.
When I first started dating this guy, I asked two of my male friends who are in successful relationships for advice on how to not screw this up. They both gave me the same advice: calm yourself down. I didn’t think this was a big deal, but I think I might have taken it too far. The other night, I went to meet him, at a movie theater. I noticed him soon after I walked in, with his back turned to the entrance. Normal human interaction at this point would be to go up and say “hello”. I didn’t. I just walked up and stood next to him without saying anything and waited for him to notice. Who does that?
That got me thinking to the way I act around him, and, I hate to admit it, but I clam up around him. It’s not that I just don’t say what I’m thinking, I don’t think at all. Maybe I’m too worried about saying something stupid and screwing the whole thing up that my normally non-existent filter goes into hyper-overdrive and doesn’t let anything out. Maybe I’m nervous? I should just start drinking before I see him.
Not that men care what women have to say. Good thing I’m hot.
June 30th, 2009 at 7:05 am
the dating thing as a whole is so perplexing…it is tough to not change around a guy you like enough to want to see where it’s going…after all, being the “real” version of oneself made those other relationships not work out. plus the advice you were given by your guy friends isn’t helping you feel comfortable letting your true personality shine. yet, someday you’ll have to be the “real” you…i guess we just hope he’s so enamored at that point that he looks past all the stuff those other guys taught us to consider bad in the “real us?” shouldn’t we just decide that those things are NOT bad but rather that guys that don’t appreciate them are just not the one for us?
June 30th, 2009 at 7:28 am
I fully agree…I know that I’m awesome and that I shouldn’t hide it…I would tell anyone to do the opposite of what I’m doing.
June 30th, 2009 at 8:14 am
so the real question is…why is it so often that the most amazing women can easily give the best advice yet refuse to take it for ourselves?
June 30th, 2009 at 10:15 am
I think at the beginning of any relationship, people are in a “honeymoon” period…it’s normal….trying to be on their best behaviour. But once you realize that you both like each other for your imperfections as much as your perfections, you’ll let your guard down and it will get much easier. Then you won’t have to overthink so much. But I think we all do that to some extent at the start of something. You’re not alone!! I’ve seen you with alcohol….ughhh, yeah…don’t drink b4 your date!!! You def don’t wanna keep asking him for tix to the gun show!!!!!!!!! ;o)
June 30th, 2009 at 10:32 am
@sadiejay- it’s always easy to look into someone else’s relationship and make judgements, but it’s harder to do it to ourselves.
@twyla- I’ve never asked him if he’s gotten his tickets. Maybe I should.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
That walking up and waiting is very creepy. I think you might be in axe murder territory there…
June 30th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Pathetic, it’s true. If a guy did that to me, I’d be blogging about how I got rid of him immediately after. I am disgusted with myself.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
I haven’t been reading in a few days and am surprised to learn that you are disclosing a “relationship” at this point. Are you at all concerned that this will adversely affect your male readership? Much in the same way that the Jonas Brothers are marketed as saving themselves for marriage so that all of their female fans can feel, equally, as though they have the chance to be the Jonas’ first, don’t you feel it’s important for FitDarcie to be seen as “available”?
I hope you will post about the nature of this strategic (?) disclosure. I think it would be quite insightful.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I keep a running list of all of the creepy things FitDarcie does. I will be turning it into a self-help guide of what not to do very soon.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
@Andrew, yes, it’s risky, but at the same time, I haven’t posted about any dates in a while and didn’t want you to think that you have no competition. I am FitDarcie, and I am wanted.
@Awesomeness: please go away.
July 1st, 2009 at 1:36 am
I don’t get why people try to be someone different in a relationship - at least, one that they want to last (by all means, play the part if you’re just having fun or trying to get laid…). If you want a long term relationship, you need the person to love you for who you are, not who you’re pretending to be. Anything other than being who you are (or who you want to be) is just setting yourself (and the prospective significant other) up for disappointment.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:32 am
#1- I’m not trying, I just get nervous.
#2- I’m not being different, I don’t change anything about myself…my goals, opinions, morals, principles and values are all the same and I don’t lie.
#3- I do fully agree, that there is no point in hiding who you are…and I don’t hide anything…I just act creepy and quiet, which I can only hope will change once I get comfortable with him, unless he likes the creepy, then that’d just be weird.
July 1st, 2009 at 2:31 pm
It was more of a general observation about people trying to be different in relationships rather than saying you specifically are - it’s quite obvious that you’re not trying to be creepy, it just comes naturally :)
July 2nd, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Oh, well this site is called “FitDarcie” so let’s keep the comments here to be about me. kthx
July 5th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
“Good thing I’m hot.”
I think you’ve just solved your own problem. The law of male brain function holds that cerebral activity in the human male is inversely proportional to the hotness of the female he’s with. Just sex it up with some slutty outfits and the guy won’t even be able to remember his own name, let alone form judgments or opinions about your behavior.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:35 am
So I should just forget that I have a mind in the first place?
July 7th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Darcie, I actually have done that very thing you mentioned… walking up and standing there silently. I swear to you, I’ve done it.
I also tend to “be different” and had an ex point that out to me once. He of course saw it as a bad thing, despite the fact that the core of who I am was always the same, it was just the way I interacted with people. Even a friend of mine told me not two weeks ago that when he was on the phone with me while I was with another mutual friend that I was “scaring him”. Weird… He couldn’t even explain it, but I told him that our friend and I were like siblings, and sometimes he brings out the best worst in me… I shrugged my shoulders, apologized for scaring him, and that was that.
Who knows… I never know what men are thinking when it comes to stuff like that. I’m the girl who goes on a first date that I think was fabulous, only to never hear from the guy again… so what the hell, right?
Darcie - you’re fine being “creepy” in the beginning until you get comfortable with someone… besides, don’t they always say to maintain the mystery a while? LOL
July 7th, 2009 at 9:56 am
I’m so glad I’m not the only one. And I agree fully- I act differently, but at the core, I am the exact same person. Different social situations call for different behaviors.