Are Some People More Relationship Prone Than Others?
I know this guy, Ray, who ALWAYS has a girlfriend. I think he’s been engaged twice, which isn’t what I am refering to…he just always has girlfriends. Not women he’s dating or seeing, but actual girlfriends…after a few months of dating, they share lives to some extent…often living together. There seems to be no middle ground, he often goes from meeting someone, to having them move in.
I’m all for a fast-moving relationship…while it may not be the best thing for me, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with other people doing it. And I’ve been asked before if I met a guy that I really connected with, would I move in with him after 2 months? I can’t say yes or no to this…I believe that love at first sight is possible (Disney says so), but it’s never happened to me, and I’m a firm believer in thinking things through appropriately.
But with Ray, things are totally different…he’s been engaged. ENGAGED. I think he’s a few years older than me, maybe he’s 32. But he’s been betrothed twice. If my gender bias is correct, that would make him a player for the next 10 years…yet, he’s all for the relationships.I’ve met some of his women. They all seem normal…I relate to them. So what makes these seemingly normal women so-ready to move in with him? What makes him so ready to move in with them?
I think I’m out there looking for a relationship, and I’m a damn good catch. Am I just not relationship-prone like Ray and his ladies?
June 25th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Where can you find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital.
June 25th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Very well. I give up.
June 25th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
To question whether people are more ‘prone’ or not can be answered by looking at the stats. We can infer that you are not and Ray is.
Understanding why concerns readiness, perceived readiness, and compatibility.
June 25th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Ok, my theory, and you know him better than I do, but security, and knowing a guy is happy to take it to the next level, seems HUGE to a lot of girls. All types of girls, from unapproachable Goth to the accessible nice girls you mention above, when you take out the uncertainty principal there’s a light switch in their heads where the whole thing comes together. This guy has been engaged before, makes a custom of living with girls, not just dating them for a month or two. This has a similar effect to the wedding ring; here is a guy who can commit, and its a turn-on. Now as the sheer number of his relationships increases he slides from ‘willing to commit’ to ‘unable to commit long-term’, but as long he’s telling them he was engaged once and has lived with most of his girlfriends, its sets a comfy and attractive past foundation.
June 25th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
@was just joking- so I’m not showing that I’m ready? I wonder if the nature of this blog has something to do with it.
@Dan- I like your theory about sliding from ‘willing to commit’ to ‘unable to commit long-term’. What I don’t believe is that women look at a guy who was in a long-term relationship and consider him dateable. Men take forever to get over their exes and they come with a lot of baggage.
June 25th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Yes, some people *are* more relationship prone than others. And my guess is those types of folk give off a vibe. They go from long term relationship to long term relationship. They almost never go out on a sequence of dates. They find someone they like, that likes them, and they get to the work of a real relationship.
Other folk are just more “datey”, and I’m sure they give off that vibe. For them, that jump to a “relationship” is just a big deal. Everything is at once more casual AND more serious (casual cause they don’t want to get rejected / just want to have fun… serious because they are always unsure if something is “GOING SOMEWHERE”).
I don’t know which you are, but reading this blog makes me think you might be the second type. Guys probably look at you and don’t gauge you on the “girlfriend scale”, they look at you and gauge you on the “hot scale”.
June 25th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Nice post. I’ve often asked myself that same question. Remind me to tell you another example of the relationally-proned Ray-like person tomorrow.
June 25th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
@ Darcie - Your last statement to me is true in theory but I think each girl feels she is the most special and so her tremendous greatness will completely eclipse the last woman in a shower of happy smile-rain. This is the train of thought - tickets please, next stop fantasyland!
June 26th, 2009 at 9:00 am
@George- I don’t think I’m datey, but I’m happy not being in a relationship. I wish I was more desperate and lonely so that people thought I was looking for a relationship.
@Dan, I AM the most specialist person in the world.
June 30th, 2009 at 12:10 am
hah - as much as i don’t love what george said, it kinda makes sense. and, as a special bonus, being “datey” gets you ranking on the hotness scale. which, let’s face it, kicks the “girlfriend scale” any day of the week…cuz to be labeled a girlfriend you’re nothing without the guy…but the hotness is all yours.
June 30th, 2009 at 7:28 am
I DO love being on the hotness scale…
July 1st, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Darcie, I feel the same way when I observe couples I know, whether married or not. I know Im a good catch, normal, and have a good head on my shoulders. I commonly have taken anywhere from 1-3 years in between serious girlfriends. Im not afraid of spending time alone, and have always been that way.
I see many other people simply afraid to be alone. Perhaps that is Ray’s issue? If he has been engaged twice and “failed to launch” then he has some issues when things get down to brass tacks. I am 38 and have never been engaged, much less married, but have had my share of serious relationships, all of which taught me great things about myself. I think this self-knowledge is missing for many people, and it leads to issues, maybe even divorce, later on. So I dont feel at a loss for not having paired up for its own sake.
But Im perfectly willing to do so…..just hunting for someone that makes it work enough for me.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Yes, I agree that you need to spend time on your own to be able to fully get involved with someone else. I do just fine on my own, and that’s ok with me. I’m way happier than a lot of people I know who are in relationships.