Are Women Crazy, or Do Men Lead Us On?
A few weeks ago, I was out with some friends. The subject of crazy women came up, and one of the guys, J, was bitching about how he’d told a girl that he didn’t have any interest in her and that she kept on texting him. Initially, I thought that clearly, this woman was crazy, but then I asked him if he’d slept with her. The answer? Yes. Does he respond to her texts? Yes.
The same week, I was out with a different group of friends, and another guy, D, was complaining that a girl he broke up with in January was still texting him all the time. I asked if he was replying. The answer? Yes.
Gentlemen: you have to walk the talk. If I text/e-mail someone, and I don’t get a response, that’s it. I get the point and move on. I tell this to these guys and their defense is that they are turning these women down when they respond, not egging them on. If these women have been texting these guys for 5 months, and not had any physical contact, maybe they’re crazy…so the women are partially to blame…but passively responding to them isn’t exactly telling them to leave you alone.
D showed me the texts. The girl was asking him if he had plans for the evening. He replied “I’m going to the cottage”. He thinks that this is telling her no. But it isn’t. What it is saying is “I already have plans. Please ask me again”.
Here’s what SHOULD happen (note: at this point, neither of these guys can just stop without one more text). The final test should read:Girl, I’m sorry, but I am not interested in you. This will be my last text. The girl will then send a flurry of Why??? What did I do??? Can we just meet up to talk about it? I’m sorry, I’ll stop sending you so many texts. Do you need some time apart? Do you want to have an open relationship? This might go on for a day or two…with a phone call mixed in here or there, which shouldn’t be answered. Then, it will all stop. Maybe a drunken text or two over the next month or so, but if these men are being “cold” like they say they are, then it will stop.
One of the reasons I don’t ask men out often is because they will agree out of politeness. These guys are trying to be polite, but instead they are dragging on some sort of relationship and preventing these women from moving on to better things. My opinion? They like the attention, and they like telling others they are being stalked. Am I right?
July 10th, 2009 at 11:14 am
I find one of the commonalities between guys and girls is that even when there is a person they are not really interested in , they want that person and basically all persons to continue wanting them. These same girls who text for 5 months, if THEY stopped the texting, I bet a lot of these guys, 1 week, maybe a month later would shoot off a text, ‘hey haven’t heard from you in awhile how are you?’ which starts up the ego mill again. People like to be wanted, and the more people out there pining for them, unrequited, the higher their social resale value. Its like celebrities, ‘oh, I hate having all the screaming fans’ before they go home and revel in all the screaming fans, its considered ‘cool’ to be wanted and not want back. Long story short, imho yes guys and girls lead people on to a certain extent when its safe and harmless (to them at least).
July 10th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Agreed. I don’t think I do that. I don’t think I lead people on. Most guys think I hate them, so I really don’t think I’m a tease.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
OK, let’s set the record straight here so that people get the FULL story…
- I ignored her for MONTHS after breaking up with her - no contact whatsoever.
- During that time, she would call/text/MSN incessantly. On Oscar night, when I had a bunch of people over, she texted 29 times. I did not respond at all.
- Another time, she called EIGHTEEN times within an hour and a half (which, if you do the math, is once every five minutes), mostly from a blocked number. I would occasionally pick up, say hello, and as soon as I heard her voice, hang up. The last few times, I picked up, and screamed “LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” into the phone, and hung up.
- I had a friend call her (from my phone) and tell her that she didn’t appreciate her calling and texting her boyfriend all the time, and she needs to stop. That got me about two days of peace.
- She offers to sleep with me all the time (most recently last night), and I ignore it. And she was GOOD!
And, of course, the big part that you left out, the ONE time I’ve seen her since we broke up, she dropped by to pick up something…with a female friend. And they offered a threesome. And I TURNED IT DOWN TO GET RID OF HER. Come on now…what more can I do to show this girl I’m not at all interested?
Now, I freely admit that her constant stalking does provide good entertainment for my friends (and now your blog) and does provide a slight ego boost. But the fact of the matter is, this girl is INSANE, any way you cut it.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I REALLY want to meet this girl. She’d be like a case study. I don’t judge. Just want to get her drunk and spill the beans on what goes on in her head. She’s like that crazy neighbour on Two And A Half Men.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
If she was my neighbour, I’d kill myself.
Or maybe just move. And move the office, too!
July 12th, 2009 at 2:01 am
WOW! Poor “D”. That’s just insane!!
With today’s topic… I just hate the games that are played while in the dating world. I personally can’t wait to be done with it. But on that note, I’m not throwing myself at guys either.
(PS> I have a date late tomorrow night…we’ll see how it goes. but I can’t blog about it, because he already found my stupid blog! Guess I need to take my last name out of it too!!)