For a few years in a row, I participated in a 10k run through a meadow. It was called the Mud run. Tons of fun, highly recommend it, even if you aren’t a runner.

So, a while back, Shelly, who works in the television industry, was contacted by someone she knows who runs the mud run, and they needed someone who wasn’t camera shy to go on Canada’s MTV Live and talk about how awesome it is. Naturally, I was the perfect candidate. I LOVE being on camera.

I had never heard of MTV Live up to that point…it’s basically a talk show for teenagers. The topic that day was cleanliness or something like that, and so I was supposed to go on and give a little spiel on the mud run. My directives were pretty clear, wait for the cue “We have someone here from the Mud Run to talk about it” after the second commercial break, and give my feedback. I was handed the blue microphone.

The second commercial break is over of this live program, and the dude asks the question “So, who has a good story about men or women being the dirtier sex? Blue mic.” This wasn’t my cue. He’d mistaken the previously arranged good story with the girl with the red mic. And I panicked. The show was live, the camera was on me, and the microphone was turned on. I naturally said men were the dirtier sex, and gave the first example that popped into my head.

I told a story about my ex pleasuring himself, and leaving discarded tissues all over the apartment.

On national television.

Live.

Immediately after, my REAL cue came, and I embarrassed the organizers of the Mud Run, and Shelly. Still feel super bad about that.

I thought nothing of it, really. Who the hell watches MTV Live anyway? Who the hell watches Canadian programming in the first place? Certainly no one that would recognize me. It was live, and started at 5pm, so really, no one would have watched it anyway. I called my sister and told her that she didn’t miss anything, my performance was lame, and I got no camera time. Lord knows I wouldn’t want her to see that, or hear that story. While on the phone she says “Oh wait. It looks like they air the show again at midnight. I’ll set my DVR.”

Oh shit.

Hoping that she wouldn’t be able to figure out the DVR in the first place, I let it slide.

Then the 7am call the next day.

Sister: What the hell were you thinking?
FitDarcie: Uhm. What are you talking about?
Sister: That’s the most disgusting story I’ve ever heard.
FitDarcie: Uhm. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Sister: First thing this morning, Cousin T called, said he saw you on TV while eating his cereal (apparently they air MTV Live repeatedly), so I watched the recording. You’re an idiot.
FitDarcie: When you say recording, what exactly do you mean?
Sister: I mean that I’m showing this to everyone.
FitDarcie: FOR THE LOVE OF GOTCH! PLEASE SPARE OUR POOR DEAR MOTHER.

She didn’t spare our poor dear mother. I have been banned from publicly speaking by my family forever.

Tags: embarssing, mtv live, mud run