I Fucked Tiger Woods
He came to town for the Toronto Open, I was working at the golf club at the time, he gave me a Rolex, we went back to his hotel in his Lincoln and showed me his 9 iron.
It could happen?
I’m pretty much obsessed with the Tiger saga. I usually don’t get caught up in these sorts of things, but I’m pretty sure Tiger made zillions to keep his image clean, then screwed it all up. 2 days after his wife smashed out his car window in a rage, his last television commercial was pulled from TV. All his sponsors are dropping him. Apparently he sees having sex with random women rather than nailing his hot wife as worth millions.
This just confirms what I’ve said a million times: Men are retarded.
December 16th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Lies. No such thing as the Toronto Open. BTW, nice PhotoShop work on the photo.
December 16th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Isn’t there? Well there should be. Marty, I had a dream about you last night. I may be getting too involved in my blog.
December 16th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
[schwing!!!]
December 16th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
TW would never be caught in a Lincoln. He was sponsored by GM so you could have gone with the Buick or Cadillac. Second he was sponsored by Tag Heuer not Rolex. If you want TMZ to believe that you are mistress #296 then these details need to be correct. I am starting to think you did some random black guy in a polo shirt thinking it was Tiger.
The other thing is the sponsors dropping him thing is silly. The only people who care about the story are people who don’t play golf and don’t buy TW endorsed products anyway, aka Women. Why are women so concerned? Well because if someone can cheat on a nordic goddess like Elin what chance do they have of their man being faithful.
December 16th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
But seriously though, Tiger is an idiot.
December 16th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Get it right. I showed you my driver though you didn’t seem to mind the 3-putt.
December 16th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
@Bob, Damn. I was really hoping for TMZ’s support in this.
@Tiger, I don’t know the difference.
@Teenwolf, wow. haven’t heard that one yet.
December 16th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Darcie, I think you’re supposed to reference a different golf club than one of the irons for what you were talking about. Unless there is something else we don’t know about Tiger…
December 16th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
“This just confirms what I’ve said a million times: Men are retarded.” And yet some people wonder why you’re still single?
December 16th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Back off our girl, Bonzer! There’s only room for one Wolf on this blog. Shoo.
December 16th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
@Fred, I don’t know anything about golf.
@Bronzer, My singledom is a mystery…
Thanks for sticking up for me Marty…did you also just defend Teenwolf? Are you guys friends now/
December 16th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
@Darcie - The keyword there is wood. Huh Tiger’s last name is Woods - wondering why that isn’t getting all played up right now in the media.
December 16th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
@Darcie: I was a detective for over 30 years. I read your blog for less than 30 minutes. Mystery solved. Details to follow. It’s not the kind of news you can swallow in one gulp.
@Marty McFly : NIce try dude. But there’s a new Alpha male in this dysfunctional town.
December 16th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
@Fred, OOooooooh. I have a friend who spent all last week coming up with new Tiger Woods jokes. There are just so many.
@The Other Wolf, Did you investigate the reasons why so many uber cool and hot chicks are single? If so, you will know the reason is that men are retarded.
December 16th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Now there is a Bonzer Wolf?
There is more Teenwolf knockoffs on this blog than Tiger has Girlfriends.
December 16th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
@ teenwolf :Sorry, dude but nobody will confuse us. I am 55 and old enough to be your grand daddy. No offense intended. I found this web site today via a tweet and used my twitter handle.
@Darcie: Not exactly. Lets start with the first law of long term relationships, including marriage. “The woman chooses the man who chooses her”. Darcie is an uber cool, hot, intelligent, witty chick for sure. Darcie has great self esteem and loves herself. This is all good. Unfortunately, Darcie is unable to find a man who is “worthy” to be chosen by her. Chew on that, it’s a start. I can also assure you that you are not so perfect and all men are not so flawed, that you can’t remedy this situation. But I will tell you this, “WE HAVE MET THE ENEMY AND HE IS US”
December 16th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
@Teenwolf, nice one! Did you notice that your comments make you sound like you’re young enough to be a 55 year-old’s grandson? You’re so childish.
@Bonzer Wolf, welcome to my blog. I accept new fans.
Let’s discuss the alpha male scenarios that just went on in the comment section. Marty and Teenwolf had a big rivalry, then Brett came in and pissed Teenwolf off, and Marty backed down. A new wolf entered the pack, and now it seems like Marty and Teenwolf are teaming up to get him out so as to not upset the balance. There is definatly a blog post in there somewhe
December 21st, 2009 at 1:45 am
so i took a week off and now there is a wolf pack and a straight up fight as to who is going to be the alpha…amazing.
December 27th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Two things:
1/A Man Is As Faithful As His Options
2/Every beautiful woman you see, some guy somewhere is tired of her.
December 29th, 2009 at 10:21 am
@sadiejayn That’ll teach you to take a week off.
@JR re: #2- I hate it that people say that. It makes my only goal in life to never be cheated on.
December 29th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
It’s a worthy goal to have. But if you thought that your hotness, by itself, was going to protect you from ever getting cheated on, I’m sorry to say that you are mistaken.
I’ve just always felt that proclamation people make whenever some famous guy gets caught cheating
“But his wife is so hot?!?” to be silly. That has nothing to do with why some men cheat. That should be evidenced by the number of times men have been caught cheating with a woman who is not as attractive as his wife. Yes, Elin Wood is hot. So is Vanessa Bryant. Hillary Clinton was never a great beauty, in my opinion, but she’s way better than Monica Lewinsky. So that’s clearly not a factor.
First, beauty is one thing. For all we know, Elin Woods might have bad breath. Or maybe she belches, farts, and picks her nose all the time @ home. Maybe she’s lazy in bed, and doesn’t do anything, just lays there. Or maybe she lost interest in sex after having the kids. She may have a violent temper (as evidenced by the Thanksgiving night incident). Maybe that’s why he cheated. Who knows?
Or, as Rule #1 states, he cheated just because he could. He has so many other options. As hot as is wife is, he’s already had her, many times. The other women were something new. And he obviously wanted something new. And now he’s paying for it.
I think guys like him should follow Warren Beatty’s example. He was the big Hollywood playboy for decades, ran around and had all his fun. And no one could criticize him, because he was single, so he could do what he wanted. He waited until his 50’s to settle down with a young woman and start a family. And seems to be happy.
December 29th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
That’s retarded. No one should cheat just because they can. Don’t get married unless you’re ready to commit. That’s the whole point of marriage.
December 29th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Well, yeah, I agree that should not cheat. That’s why I mention Warren Beatty as an example of how to live, instead. Where did you get the idea that I said it’s okay? What’s retarded? I’m confused.
December 30th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
It’s retarded how often men have said a man is only as faithful as his options. It was also said to me by a guy I was on a date with. Just what every woman wants to hear.
December 30th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
OIC. My confusion comes from your initial response to me, which was an objection to Rule #2, about how every beautiful woman has a man that’s tired of her. And so I addressing the fact that people always make comments like “But his wife is so hot!” when a celebrity man gets caught cheating. I believe that is a faulty premise, because it makes the assumption that men cheat because of something lacking @ home, and therefor would have no reason to cheat, if his wife is hot. So I was saying, even if we assume that’s true, then none of us knows what Tiger’s wife is really like in private, so there’s no need to act shocked that he cheated on her.
But I also tried to make clear that I don’t believe that’s the case anyway. When most men, especially celebrities, cheat, it typically has nothing to do with how things are @ home, they cheated just because they wanted to, and because they can. And that goes back to Rule #1. That’s a joke from Chris Rock (who also later got caught cheating on his wife). Obviously, like most jokes, it’s an exaggeration for comedic effect. However, I do think it’s more true than most folks want to admit.
I have read so many books and interviews with various celebs, talking about the temptations they get, and it is almost unimaginable. Athletes, actors, rock stars, rappers, these guys get hit on everywhere. Women throw themselves @ them constantly. Even guys who, by any objective standard, would be considered “ugly”, will still get tons of women, just because they’re famous. Look @ Donald Trump’s wife, and then tell me you think that she would have married him if he wasn’t a billionaire.
So, what I’m saying is, I certainly don’t blame any man, expecially not a young man, who is in that position in life, for wanting to take advantage of the situation, and enjoy himself. I just recommend that they should stay single while they’re doing it, especially when they’re young and in the prime of their life, like Tiger is. George Clooney is another guy who seems to be handling right. He’s made it perfectly clear that he’s a “confirmed bachelor,” and so he doesn’t have to hide anything.
December 31st, 2009 at 1:37 pm
I hate George Clooney.
January 5th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
Aside from finding him terribly unattractive, his name is terrible. Why doesn’t he leap like a Tiger and… do something about his problem?
PS. +1 on the Clooney guy