…but no, I don’t want to sleep with you. I was having a conversation with my girlfriends this weekend about how often men totally misread signals and assume we’re having constant sexual fantasies about them.

I hate to disappoint the men out there, but this is simply not true. We’re well aware that everything you say to us can be translated into you wanting to get some, but it isn’t the same for us.

I blame strippers.

Ask any college kid who sees a stripper for the first time, and he will say “She’s actually studying to become a kindergarten teacher. And she was so into me.” Guys, she’s PAID to be into you. That feeling of confidence, attractiveness, being wanted and worthiness you get while paying her to dance for you was bought and paid for (by you). The rest of us girls do not wish to take our clothes off for you the second we lay eyes on you.

I recently overheard one of my male friends saying to another friend “They all wanted me so bad” referring to my group of friends. Uhm. No. My friends are hot and cool. We always get what we want. If we wanted you, we would have had you.

Here are some other examples of where men got it wrong:

(After a first date where I got stuck with the bill)

Him 1: So, can we go out again?

Me: No

Him 1: You’re so hard to read.

(While out with a old high-school friend I ran into)

Him 2: I’d like to take you out on a date. Like with dinner and a movie.

Me: WHY??? We have NOTHING in common and zero chemistry.

Him 2: (leans in for a kiss)

(While on a second date, the guy buys weed from some rapper guy then leaves me for an hour to smoke it. I am storming by and jump into a cab.)

Me (angrily): Have a nice life.

Him 3 (runs up and jumps into the cab with me): Why are you leaving? I thought we had a great time.

Me: Are you kidding? You hit on my friend, you brought friends out on our date and you made me watch your bag while you smoked weed with your friend!!

Him 3: I understand, you are upset. Can I see you again sometime?

…

One of the most frequent comments I get from guys is that I should just be honest with them, and tell them that I’m not interested. In any of the examples above, was I not? And did it work?