Men Paying on the First Date
While to most men, this is understood. Men should pay on the first date, especially if they plan on seeing the woman again. I realise that this has nothing to do with fitness, however, I’ve had 3 separate discussions on it today and well, my blog isn’t exactly super fitnessy.
Recently, I was out with a guy. He was not overly impressive, but he wasn’t overly unimpressive either. He was nice and sweet, and never said anything stupid in the two hours we were together. Then the bill came. I did my usual act, went to the bathroom, which normally lets the guy pay the bill without the pointless argument over who should pay. I was really rooting for him. When I came back, he still hadn’t paid. I slowly took my credit card out of wallet, and slowly brought it to the table, at which point he said “oh, you got this? here, let me give you something towards it” and he pulls out a $10 bill AMERICAN!!! (I live in Canada)
I was retelling this story today, and I started thinking about all the times I pay on the first date. I had a guy once ask to split the charge for a movie rental. Men- this is a deal breaker. You can be tall, handsome, funny, smart and charming, but if you don’t pay on the first date, I can guarantee you will not get a second.
Some other first date pay horror stories:
“I don’t have enough change- do you want to split a beer?”
“I don’t have cash, and they don’t take debit, so……”
“I’d rather not go for dinner…I hardly know you and I don’t want to spend money on you if I don’t know I’ll get some later”
March 24th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Lol interested story, I haven’t been on any dates for a couple of years now, since meeting my lovely girlfriend, but before that I did go on quite a few. Personally from a guys point of view I’d probably offer to pay for the first date, ok fair enough, but if we went out a second time then I’d definately say it is the girls turn! There are a lot of ladies out there I’m afraid to say that are just out for a free ride and take advantage of guys. I’ve heard the stories too. We are supposed to be in the days of equal rights, well you can’t have it all ways I’m afraid! Fairs fair! :)
March 24th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
If you can’t afford to pay on the first date, don’t go out. I wouldn’t pay for the guy on the second date either. Halfers maybe, but I haven’t been on a second date in about 3 years because men don’t get the first date rule.
June 4th, 2008 at 1:26 am
I think sharing is fine although traditional, I prefer it that men pays for the first date! It just shows that he really likes you or whatever. But then again, sharing is OK! It’s the 21st century :)
August 18th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
“Halfers maybe, but I haven’t been on a second date in about 3 years because men don’t get the first date rule.”
Ummm, nope. Men get the first date rule. Men get that it is totally obsolete and they no longer are willing to take full responsibility for dating expenses. Times have changed and the first date pay custom is changing along with it. Sounds like women like you are going to get left behind, much like the dodo and the passenger pigeon.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Kerry- I’m assuming you are a man. And cheap.
February 9th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Hey, I found your blog via singlegirl’s!
There’s actually no rule on this, there really isn’t. A lot of girls have these rules in their head about how courting should take place. And they might talk about it with their friends (who are generally people with similar interests and values). But that doesn’t mean anything; girls can actually be very diverse in how they want to be treated. It’s like your chiropractor said, there’s no manual for this, and yes it can be confusing. Some girls want guys to push in their chairs, hold open doors and take their coats; others think that stuff is silly and sexist. Others want guys to pay for them; others could care less or don’t want to feel beholden to men. (e.g., http://gawker.com/news/gender-norms-and-the-city/why-do-otherwise-normal-girls-refuse-to-go-dutch-304569.php ). Hell, there are even some girls who don’t want engagement rings!
Personally I generally assume I’m going to pay, and will just about always reject a girl’s initial offer to split the bill if I want to see her again. I make good enough money and it’s not that big a deal. But it’s nice when she insists; it shows a sense of fairness. If a girl wants guys to pay for her, that’s fine too, but hopefully she’ll do nice things for me in other ways - like making me brownies or something.
But really: why is this such a big deal? As long as a guy is kind and considerate I don’t understand why you feel this is so significant…
February 9th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Thanks for coming over Derek! Singlegirls blog is great!
I guess it doesn’t matter if I really like the guy. It’s the ones that I’m iffy about where it matters. When I’m not sure if he’s worth seeing again or not, depending on what else is wrong with him, it could be a deal-breaker.
And this is just for the first date. In relationships, I always pay my share, and I usually get the second date.
March 12th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Funny story…I can’t tell you how many women I’ve taken on on date number 2 to 12 that “forgot their credit card” or “Gee…I must have left home without cash.” Once, a gal on about date 8 invited me to a $$$ restaurant that “she was taking me to since it as her turn” (I’ll say, it was date #8). When the check came, she pulled the “I forgot my credit card, gee, I only have my ATM card” line. While walking to the car, we passed an ATM, and I pointed it out. She said “Oh…I’ll get dinner next time”.
There was no next time. I drove her home and never called again.
Yes, a man should pay on date # one., But a woman should step up by date three (at the latest) and offer to pay, and if the guy accepts her offer to pay, do it graciously, without fanfair, drama, or a mention of “oh…how expensive” it is to the guy.
March 12th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I have no problem paying on the second date…but I’ve also had situations where the first date was like ice-cream or something like that, then the second date was an expensive meal. It gets tricky there. I probably wouldn’t put out unless a guy took me on a nice date and paid, as whoreish as that sounds, but still…it’s just the way the world works.
July 31st, 2010 at 11:43 am
So this is where the blog first got off-topic about fitness. I can see how it morphed into what it is today, since this topic is the one started getting the most comments, compared to posts about fitness. I was going to say that I could accept the “I only have my debit on me, and they only accept cash” line as a proper excuse, because I use my debit for like 99% of my purchases, and hardly ever carry much cash anymore (I’ve got $14 in my wallet right now). But I then I thought, what kind of first date is it where you’re taking someone someplace that doesn’t accept debit (or can’t @ least charge the debit card like a credit card)? That’s hardly ever a problem for me. My local .99 cent store has a minimum charge of $10 for debit cards, so if I ever just go in for a pack of doritos or something I’ll pay cash, but other than that, debit works fine. I mean, I know this was first written back in early 2008, and I don’t know what the situation is like up there in Canadaland, but I’d assume that debit card use is much more widespread now, so if there’s a place that doesn’t take it, it’s probably a rather cheap place to begin with, and you should have been aware of that in advance, and therefor made sure you brought cash with you before you took the woman there for a date. So there’s really no excuse.
July 31st, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Debit is as prevalent here as it is in the US. There is no excuse for this fella. Also, when I go on a date, I always make sure to stop at an ATM on the way, just so I have cash and can avoid this scenario (in case he makes me pay).
July 31st, 2010 at 1:36 pm
The worst example up there is from “JJ,” about the girl who invited him out to a pricey restaurant, after he’d already taken her out 8 times, and then “forgot” her credit card. That’s BS, and I wouldn’t go out with her again either.
July 31st, 2010 at 2:45 pm
JJ shoulda dropped her after date 3…because I’m gonna assume she didn’t put out :)
Guy rule number 1: Paying for a first date is fine (1 or 2 drinks max) but
never buy a girl dinner until she puts out.
July 31st, 2010 at 7:37 pm
@Paul - you’re not looking for a date; you’re looking for a prostitute with a sign that says “will work for food”
July 31st, 2010 at 8:00 pm
@kim, excellent use of the semi-colon!
July 31st, 2010 at 8:11 pm
@Paul - my 7th grade English teacher would be so proud
August 3rd, 2010 at 8:34 am
Well Paul, then you and I will never go out. I don’t sleep with a guy until he buys me dinner. I like the commitment that money buys.
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:16 am
“I like the commitment that money buys.”
That statement could so be taken the wrong way. . .
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:10 am
@Darcie…you’re right! One caveat though…
Guy rule number 1 above has just been published.
Now every single guy in the GTA and the world now knows it
and will not buy dinners.
You’re gonna have to buy yourself a “dolphin” or a “rabbit” now ;)
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:34 am
That doesn’t make any sense. If they know I wouldn’t put out until they spend money on me, then why wouldn’t they spend money on me? Have you seen me lately?
August 3rd, 2010 at 2:29 pm
and here I thought you were cocky