Missed My Chance
I hang out at the same coffee shop once a week to read my paper. For the last 3.5 years, I’ve been going to the same coffee shop, and sitting in the same spot. Another creature of habit, male, frequents the same coffee shop, at the same time, and sits accross the shop from me. We would catch each other’s eye often. He seemed like he might be a good catch, black, chiseled, had similar interests…but there was never really an opportunity for me to speak to him.
I realise this seems like a long time to go about glancing at someone, but my interest in him was rather thin. Sure, he looked alright, but he wasn’t so attractive that I would get up from my seat, interupt my paper-reading time and talk to him. About a year ago, we ended up at the cash register at the same time. What I learned from that encounter shocked me.
First of all, he was much shorter than I imagined, which began the waning of my interest in him. Secondly, he was Filipino, not black. I have no problem with Filipinos…just a preference for black men. Before you all get high-and-mighty on me, please note that this has NOTHING to do with culture, and is strictly a physical preference…like men prefering blondes over brunettes. So those were two major blows for him, considering my interest in him was that of a purely physical nature, and not a strong one at that.
So, I’ve spent the last year ignoring him and trying to avoid catching his eye. I’ve never heard him speak, and don’t really care to. He doesn’t seem that interesting to me. (Please don’t write in the comment section that I should have gone up to him and spoken to him before making that judgement. I owe this man nothing.)
He’d been missing from the coffee shop for the past 2 months, which was a little odd, since he was more of a regular than me. I assumed he’d moved from the area. Then, last week, he brought a date to the coffee shop. On a scale of 1 to 10, my level of jealousy was about .5. I do beleive I was entitled to have him think of me before going to bed every day for the rest of my life, but, like I said, I had no real interest in him.
The thing that got me about this encounter, was that he seemed to be showing her off to me. He kept giving me these looks as though to say “you missed your chance! now I’m taken!” And that seemed to piss me off.
Point? If a man can’t have me, he should never be able to have anyone. Especially not some woman who wears a scarf.
July 8th, 2009 at 8:57 am
Ok you write that you didn’t care so much but the topic is ‘missed my chance’. Could it be the pang of jealousy may have hovered somewhere North of 5?
I think in this situation you can only safely say that scarf girl is getting a raw deal. Most guys I know, after making consistent eye contact would approach the girl, but he is one of those eyedance people that doesn’t make the extra action to actually make contact. So he probably has a half dozen girls in coffee shops, offices etc. that now he feels he can show off this girl to. Its him taking revenge on pretty girls because he’s too scared to meet pretty girls imho (I assume scarfy fell into his lap)
July 8th, 2009 at 9:05 am
That was .5, not 5.
Agreed that he probably has small balls.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:28 am
It has been a while since I have thrown my 2 cents into your life but here it goes.
3.5 years and “never really an opportunity for me to speak to him” you are such a wimp.
Second, since you like the dark chocolate is Canada really the place to be? This judgement based on the racial makeup of the National Hockey League. If you exclude the raptors & blue jays what are there are what 2 black guys in Canada. Me thinks Fit Darcie needs to move somewhere with better odds. Or give in to TeenWolf’s advances.
July 8th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Bob, you’re forgetting about the CFL…
And we are a fair bit more multi-cultural than that… well, in the cities anyway…
July 8th, 2009 at 11:34 am
what you were feeling miss darcie was annoyance, not jealousy. you’ve been allowing him to check you out for three and a half years - honestly i think that was a bit generous of you. and in actuality what he really should have done was thanked you for all those years of sweet dreams…not parade some frumpy scarf wearing chick in your face as if to say “you missed your chance.” why you feel the annoyance is because it’s just socially unacceptable for you to go up to the table and say: honestly, i didn’t miss my chance, what truly happened was i choose not to take my chance. and your pathetic attempts to make me feel jealous are really just annoying. so find another coffee shop to take your scarf chick to and stop being the fly near my morning paper.
July 8th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
@Bob, I am not a wimp. If I had any desire to speak to him, I would have, but my desire was minimal.
Thanks Randy, I would have said the same thing. I live in Toronto where white people are the minority.
@sadiejayn, I couldn’t have said it better myself. I wasn’t jealous…just pissed that he thought I would be jealous. Clearly, he wasn’t good enough for me, or I would have sealed the deal years ago.
July 8th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Also, welcome back Bob!
July 8th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Wow, i’ve never heard someone say that dark skin was a rare commodity in Toronto. With my predilection for black/brown women its my #1 reason for living here! 49% of us in Toronto are non-Caucasian and it is officially the most multicultural city in the world
July 8th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Actually Dan, it is not officially the most mulit-cultural city in the world. It is extremely diverse, but no one has ever actually done that study…we promote it as such all the time, and it very well may be, but officially, it isn’t.
July 8th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Hmmmm, maybe I SHOULD move to Canada!! Can you imagine the reception we’d get walking into a bar?!!? They’d have their pick…a blonde or brunette…we’d all walk away happy!! :) I’m with you on the predilictions case you were making. ;) Sorry I’ve been quiet everywhere lately….just busy! I can’t wait to see the topic tomorrow!
July 11th, 2009 at 1:09 am
Toronto is the most multicultural city in the world? You need to get out more.
July 11th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Wow. You have clearly never been here. While no study has ever been done to prove it one way or the other, I doubt that there are many cities more multicultural than Toronto. Maybe New York, LA or London, but if you don’t think Toronto is multi-cultural, then maybe you are the one who needs to get out more.
July 15th, 2009 at 12:45 am
Been there several times. Toronto is about as diverse as a typical large American city, and not nearly as diverse as a city like New York. Toronto probably isn’t even the most diverse city in Canada. I would give that to Vancouver.
Nice town, though.
July 15th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I’m sorry, I normally love all my readers, but you can’t possibly be serious. Vancouver has two ethnic diversities; it in no way compares to Toronto’s diversity. You’re either lying, or are completely ignorant.
July 16th, 2009 at 1:28 am
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were a professional demographer. Coming from the US, Toronto does not appear unique at all in its diversity. But hey, if it makes you feel better to think that Toronto is the melting pot of the world, knock yourself out.