Oh Online Dating, Why Have You Failed?
So I’m in the last 3 days of my eHarmony membership (which I am NOT renewing) and it has failed me miserably.
5 years ago, people were just starting to admit that they met their significant others online. It was becoming less of a taboo to meet non-geeks over the internet. So then everyone tried it. Including me. I tried Lavalife for about 2 months. During that time, I probably went on 10 dates. All the guys were decent (though none of them second date worthy). Except one- I met my last longer-term boyfriend on Lavalife. We dated for a year. Within that year, something went wrong with online dating.
When I was back on the scene, I went back to Lavalife, expecting the same results. Instead, I found 2 types of guys: there were the guys looking for nothing more than one night (they will always be around); and there were desperate lonely people. I was on there for another 6 months, with, if I recall correctly, a total of 2 dates. So I gave up.
Then eHarmony starting putting out those cheesy commercials with all the happy people, and, like many others, I bought into it…thinking that my $120 for 3 months was going to buy me a compatible match based on ” a rigorous 29 dimensions scale”. I’ll give eHarmony some credit- they make it slightly difficult for guys to get a one-night stand. But the only other people on there are the desperate losers.
My scores:
Total Time On eHarmony: 3 months less 3 days
Total Matches: 575
Total Men in “Open Communication”: 5
Total Dates: 1 (and I am pretty sure he was gay)
Maybe they need to up the number of dimensions compatibility is based on.
Tags: eharmony, eharmony sucks
November 19th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Hmm…. you’re going to hate me… but here are my numbers…
Total Time On eHarmony: 3 months less 3 days
Total Matches: 853
Total Women in “Open Communication”: 29
Total Dates: 12 (including one second date)… a few more in the works
And I paid half the price you did! I only thinks it’s because I’m awesome, don’t take it personally.
November 19th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Oh… and thanks for calling me a desparate loser… ;)
November 19th, 2008 at 11:53 am
I hate you.
November 20th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
You say there are two kinds of men populating the online dating sites: Players and “Desperate Lonely People.” Now, I am curious how you define exactly “desperate lonely people.” I mean you only dated these guys once am I correct? Therefore, you must be able to readily determine if they are the lonely loser or player types. How did the lonely loser types belie their status to you. Of course we already know how the players do that. When you classify a guy as a desperate lonely person what specific criterian must he fulfill to be slotted into that category? I mean do they lack friends, family, employment, interesting life experiences…What? Are they just plain lousy with women but possess excellent careers? Or are they all-round losers in life? How long did it take you to determine if an online contact was in fact one of these desperate losers? It would be very helpful if you could exand on this whole area. I write articles on my Blog on these types of issues and I would like to do some articles in this area…I think it would be very helpful for my readers Darcie. Hopefully, if my website can educate more men in respect to developing their male character and attractiveness, ladies like you will have a better chance of snagging real men instead of wussies and “desperate losers.” By the way, my website is http://www.masculineadvicenow.blogspot.com and I like to post at least every Monday, but sometimes more so check back Tuesdays and Fridays forsure. Thanks
November 21st, 2008 at 4:49 pm
The last date I went on, the guy was as nervous as the intern we interviewed earlier this week. That’s what makes me think they are losers. They try to impress too much. Men try to pull out everything they have in one hour. It comes across as desperate. Like they aren’t expecting a second date, so they want you to know all the good things about them immediately. And then they don’t pay, thus ruining the chances they will ever see me again.
December 10th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Josh talks about that all the time.
May 12th, 2009 at 12:45 am
“And then they don’t pay, thus ruining the chances they will ever see me again.”
Do you blame them? You both already know by that point you won’t see each other again. What is the basis of your entitlement that you’re owed anything? Why do women proclaim independence and strength and at the same time expect 1950’s men-pay, i-don’t-do-anything treatment?
Contrary to your tone, you (and most young American women) are not quite the gold-plated diamond-studded prize you may think you are.
May 12th, 2009 at 8:37 am
It’s just chivalrous.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Mentioning chivalry is an adequate way to defer the more pertinent issue, though it remains irrevocably a mutual interest. Pursuing a courtship always takes 2 to tango.
His intention of not paying for everything matches your intention of not seeing him again. As you so adequately put before, I am sure his chances of seeing you again were ruined far before he didn’t pay. But as long as you have to be there, may as well get a free lunch, right?
Chivalry is not an assumed hardship on a man for the purpose of potential courtship, rather a desire to treat women respectfully and honorably in any situation. There is no perceived disrespect by splitting a bill, though, so I fail to see how his actions were non-chivalrous. They may have been neutral, but certainly not wrong.
Perhaps you can pay for everything on your next date, to be chivalrous. But, why would you do that? You’re a woman.
July 11th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
i was on lava for a year after coming out of a divorce. i have always had a complex distorted self-image. I know many men are attracted to me but don’t believe it etc. Yes fucked up but true. At first, I was just horny and wanted sex. Or so I convinced myself. I put myself on the Intimate Encounters part of the site. I only met extremely fit and good-looking men. Out of about 15 men 2 were not what their pictures looked like and I sent them back. The rest seemed on the surface like I hit the jackpot. Every man I met just about fainted when they saw me. They could not believe I was online because I look like Scarlett Johannssen. Pretty well every single one called me a sex goddess.. I was into it at the time. I felt flattered. Looking back I cannot comprehend why and how I did that to myself. EVERY SINGLE ONE of those men and I stress EVERY SINGLE ONE was totally fucked up and COMPLETELY EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE. They were all addicted to the site and to casual sex. I wanted more from each of the men I had sex with. They did too - but only sex. I thought I fell in love with one man. He seemed to be respectful but his on again off again relationship turned out to be on again when I wanted more. The only good thing I can say about that experience was that it showed me how and why to respect myself and that it is suicide to have casual sex with men especially off the internet where a goodlooking man can keep on going and going and going. Why? Because he can? And why can he? Because women who are as fucked up as I was let him. WOMEN. LISTEN UP. ALL WE HAVE TO DO TO CHANGE THE WORLD IS TO RESPECT OURSELVES AND THAT WILL STOP MEN FROM DISRESPECTING US. WHY? BECAUSE THEY WON’T BE ABLE TO… it took me too long.. way too long to figure this out.. if you’re going to give up your body. At least get paid for it. If you don’t.. then at least question why you gave a valuable part of yourself away for free.
July 13th, 2009 at 8:46 am
That’s a bit loaded. You sound like a mess.