Online Dating Profile Don’ts
Online dating is extremely superficial. I will only read a profile if the photo impresses me. Considering men are visual creatures, I am shocked that they don’t understand the value of having great photos. Women are also known for reading into things. We like to look at photos and come up with stories behind them that will give us insight into who the person is. When creating my online profile, I spent at least 3 times the amount of time choosing my photos than I did writing about myself. I chose my photos based on what I look like in most social settings (read: how I am going to look on the date), so I get a little discouraged when men don’t do the same thing.
Some of my pet peeves in the profile picture:
1) A photo that has been scanned in. This tells me that it’s more than 5 years old- before the era of digital photography, and not a good representation of how they look today. It also likely implies that they look worse now than they did then. I’ve seen some scans of passport or drivers license photos. Come on.
2) Photos of men without shirts. I don’t care how hot the body is, this is just not acceptable. We’re not blind, we can generally tell what kind of body a man has when his shirt is on, so taking it off only tells us that they are self-absorbed. And, in my experience, only 5% of men who have photos of themselves without shirts on actually have a body that warrants it.
3) Photos of large groups of people. I don’t understand the purpose of showing off all your friends. I don’t care who you hang out with at this point, I want to know more about you. And photos where a man is surrounded by a bunch of scantily clad, beautiful women are a huge red flag.
4) Wedding photos of any kind. I don’t care what a man looks like in a tux. The chances of me seeing a man in a tux even once in his life are slim, so, completely pointless. On the same note, unless he’s an investment banker and wears suits every day of his life, he probably don’t look good in a suit because he doesn’t have experience wearing it, or choosing it. And it shows. Teachers who wear suits always look like kids trying to play dress up. Don’t bother. From my experience…investment bankers don’t even put up photos of themselves in suits. (There are a lot of investment bankers on eHarmony.)
5) Photos of men drinking. If I’m looking at these photos and trying to decide what kind of person he is, and he’s holding a mixed drink in every photo, I am going to assume he’s a partier, and not someone who wants to settle down. I had a photo of a guy riding a bed like a cowboy riding a horse…cowboy hat and everything…with a caption that read “I was so hammered I don’t remember this photo being taken”. He also had a photo of himself and his kid. I judged him not only on his party lifestyle, but also assumed he was a bad father.
6) Photos of men doing stuff. I get that they’re trying to show off their interests…but that’s what the write-up is for. I don’t care how a man looks when he’s running a marathon or mountain biking. I want to know what he’s going to look like when we’re sitting at a swanky lounge having a glass of red wine. We’re not going to run marathons together on our first date. And you wouldn’t believe how many men there are who show off photos of themselves catching big fish. I can’t see how any woman would swoon over that.
7) Photos with a woman cropped out. Come on. Really? You think we can’t tell there’s a lock of blonde hair falling onto your shoulder? We immediately assume she’s an ex.
In my experience, men look better in person than they do in their photos. Always. When I’m looking through photos, I look for style. For example, I can’t see myself ever dating a guy who wears golf shirts. I consider myself a downtown girl, and look for men who will suit that lifestyle- so men that can properly coordinate their outfits is a huge deal for me.
Your matches are waiting for you—eHarmony
July 30th, 2010 at 8:56 am
+1 Darcie…
July 30th, 2010 at 10:11 am
Also: - People who only put up one picture. Because then you know theyre ugly if they could only find one picture they look reasonable in.
- People who put up pictures taken from behind or from some distance from either side. What the hell am I supposed to be looking at here? Why do I care what you look like from behind? Are you trying to tell me you like doggy style?
- People who dont crop photos properly. Its cool that you went to K2 and got to the second base camp, but this isnt a national geographic forum and you should take up more than 20% of your photos.
- People who put up pictures of themselves in winter clothing when you cant really see anything other than their nose, cheeks, and lips. What am I supposed to get from this picture? I know its cold, I live in T.o too.
- People who wear sunglasses. This is just plain stupid. Youre not a model for Ray Ban so take the shades off. And if youre wearing them at night then youre just a douche.
July 30th, 2010 at 11:03 am
@Brett - Good advice. Your last line reminded me of Coerey Hart’s “I wear my sunglasses at night”.
July 30th, 2010 at 11:12 am
+1 Brett
Some women put up pictures of an overhead shot while they are on their bed, head on their pillow looking straight into the camera…
foreshadowing :)
July 30th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
Why don’t people understand that the photos are simply there for people to know what you look like? The only thing a photo should do is tell someone if they are hot or not.
July 30th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Then how about we add a hot or not meter to every profile? So you have the profile picture, and you have to submit your profile picture to hotornot.com, and people vote, and along with your photos and what you like, your rating will also be there. So people can search by rating, only looking for, say, 9s in New Zealand, for example.
July 30th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
This is one of your best posts to date Darcie.
“I want to know what he’s going to look like when we’re sitting at a swanky lounge having a glass of red wine. We’re not going to run marathons together on our first date.”
Genius.
“Photos with a woman cropped out. Come on. Really? You think we can’t tell there’s a lock of blonde hair falling onto your shoulder? We immediately assume she’s an ex.”
Obvious. But genius since this is the first time I’ve seen it called out like that.
July 31st, 2010 at 8:19 am
@Brett- wouldn’t it be easier to get a friend’s opinion?
Thanks Fred! I liked writing it. I have so many frustrations with men online.
July 31st, 2010 at 11:10 am
Also, something else that turns me off? Is when under the “what are you looking for in a woman” part, men will put “attractive”. Gee. Aren’t most people looking for ugly people? Idiots.
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:58 am
You didnt say Happy birthday to me :(
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:00 am
I have known a man for the last 6 years. I have spoken to him, at a minimum, once a week, if not daily, for the past 6 years. He’s been there for me during some really shitty times, and has, on occasion, been the first person to whom I have told great news. His birthday was on Friday. Friday was the first time in 6 years that I have remembered. If you mentioned it on this blog somewhere, sometime, and expect me to remember it, when I can’t even remember the birthday of someone who’s probably one of the most influential people in my life, then we need to have a discussion about expectations.
I remember the birthdays of my immediate family and that’s about it. I don’t even check Facebook for people’s birthdays. I rarely celebrate my birthday. I am not a birthday person. I have no doubt hurt those close to me who feel they should have a parade for themselves once a year- but I don’t even remember to get a card. My dad gets a card on his birthday every year….2 weeks after his birthday cause I don’t remember to get one in advance.
On my birthday, you can all buy me presents. It’s in November, so start saving.
August 4th, 2010 at 12:18 am
sooo…what’s your opinion about remembering birthdays?