Should Ex’s Be Allowed In Your Life?
I’ve done a post or two about exes, and whether or not you should keep them in your life. I have one in mine. He was my last Saskatchewan boyfriend. When I was making the decision to move to Toronto, I was secretly hoping in a moment of mad passion, he’d ask me not to go so we could get married and live happily ever after. That didn’t happen. He kindly waved me off when I left. Come to think of it, not once during the time that I talked about moving did he ever mention any sort of sadness over it. We dated for 3 years…you’d think I’d get a “I’ll miss you”.
Anyway, when I first moved here, there were drunken phone calls, angry e-mails, all the stuff that couples go through when they break up but still like each other…I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in 5 years, but we still talk. I actually consider him my friend and sometimes ask his advice on things. Who better to comment on my dating life than a guy who was actually in it?
He’s getting married soon and has a beautiful daughter…he’s kept in the loop of all the goings-on of my (lack of) love life….we’re pals. Of course, we’re not platonic, but I haven’t seen the guy in 5 years. So, if everything is on the up-and-up, why wont he invite me to his wedding?
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:37 am
I don’t talk to any of my exes that I was actually in a relationship with (I still talk to a couple of girls that I only dated for a short while), but that’s probably because they ended rather badly. I would think that one of the parties leaving town would make for a more amicable break-up…
Its probably not his call that you aren’t invited to the wedding, would you want your future husband to invite a girl that he dated for three years? Especially if there is a chance he is marrying you because you have a child together and he may still have feelings for the other girl?
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:26 am
I agree with Randy. He either didnt invite you because he thought it wouldnt be a good idea (and it really isnt), or because the mrs-to-be told him not to. In both cases it doesnt matter. Would you even want to go and see him saying “I do” to another woman? You dont really have anything to gain by going to his wedding, and neither does he. On a side note, why is the fact that he didnt invite you bothering you? Like you said, you werent really that close, so why do you care? He could also have decided to have a small ceremony with only family and close friends. Personally, I think the most likely scenario is that in his mind, you two just arent close enough to warrant an invite. That and the added complication of being an ex.
I personally dont feel exes should be kept around. There are the rare occasions where its mutual and so you can be friends afterwards. But in most cases, if they werent good enough to date, they usually arent good enough to be friends with. And there almost always is some sort of drama/complication afterwards. So cut em loose. Let the past go. Plus Ive got plenty of friends, I dont need too many more.
On the topic of him advising you, keep in mind that you dated him, and therefore his advice will be biased by his experiences and feelings for you during and/or after that span. So Ive found that getting advice from exes on dating should always be taken with a grain of salt.
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Maybe he didn’t invite me because the bride is supposed to be the hottest one there.
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
“why wont he invite me to his wedding?”
It’s not him, love. It’s the new wife. Either he has asked and been told a firm “no”, or he knows better than to even ask.
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:05 pm
But that doesnt answer the question Darcie, why do you even care? It doesnt sound like you two were very close after you broke up, so why would this bother you(enough to warrant a post on it at least, or maybe it was just a slow day)?
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:11 pm
@DWC, he’d better have asked.
@Brett, I love going to weddings. New shoes.
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:32 am
what’s not to love - new shoes, hot single guys, open bar….best days ever! maybe you should give a call and ask for an invite? after all, we are talking about new shoes here!
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:54 am
I did ask for an invite. No go. It would be funny if I just crashed it anyway.
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:42 pm
is this the crazy crackhead french dude?
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Yea crash it. And bring that Thunder From Down Under monstrosity with you. That’ll show ‘em.
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:49 pm
@Desire, Hellz no. I stopped talking to that douchnozzle years ago. He wasn’t hard to kick out of my life. He called me after 9-11 and told me that he was at the World Trade Center. He was lying. I don’t know why he thought he needed to lie to me about that. That was the last I heard of him.
@Marty are you calling Donovan from Thunder Down Under a monstrosity???? How dare you!