I got this e-mail yesterday from eHarmony with a link (http://advice.eharmony.ca/?page=articles/view&AID=2100&cid=2091&aid=100804 Sorry, my visual editor bar is broken and I don’t care to learn javascript) to the 9 Signs You’ve Met The One. I hate everything that eHarmony does, so even if I once thought these may have been true, I don’t anymore. Here are my thoughts on their 9 signs.

1) You’re Not Chasing the Relationship’s Potential- What they mean by this, is that the spark is gone. You stay at home and watch TV until 10, then try to get to bed 30 minutes before your partner so that you don’t have to sleep with him.

2) Who You Are Is Good Enough- You no longer need to brush your hair. Your sometime forget to brush your teeth. It doesn’t matter because you stopped kissing a long time ago.

3) You Manage Conflict Well- Screw that. If being in a relationship means I can’t flip out at ridiculous, mundane things and slam a cupboard door every now and then, then I don’t want it. As a rule, I never manage conflict well.

4) The Mundane Is Suddenly Interesting- No, this is people in the relationship lying to themselves. The definition of “mundane” is “not very interesting” (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/mundane). Isn’t that an oxymoron? All the people I know in boring relationships tell me they think everything is fun now because they are jealous of me because I actually am having fun.

5) There’s Minimal Drama—or None at All- Uhm…what? Again, if that’s the case, I don’t want to be in a relationship.

6) Your Friends and Family See What You See- When I get into a relationship, I want to see a hot stallion. I DO NOT want my mom to see that too.

7) You Know How to Make Them Happy- I usually tell guys when I first meet them that the way to make me happy is to buy me stuff, so I guess when they meet me, I’m always ‘the one’.

8) You Have the Same Life Priorities- we both want to have a husband? In certain circles this might be ok, but I’d rather date a guy.

9) You Respect the Person Deeply- then how are you supposed to have kinky sex?

And to make a nice round number, I am adding in #10:

10) It just works for you- forget 1 through 9. Are you happy?

Stupid eHarmony.