The Day I Became a Stalker
Last September, I was at a conference in Las Vegas. While moving from one hotel to the next, perfectly sober, I left my cell phone in a cab. Yes, it was a horrible situation, and I’m pretty sure I cried a little, but I was rooming with a colleague who knew everyone I did, so I just used her phone for the rest of the trip…all was ok.
Then I got home. I Facebooked all my friends and asked for their numbers, and did all that legwork (it was actually a good cleanse- all those numbers I swore I would delete but never had the balls to, gone!). The one number I couldn’t get back belonged to a guy I had been on 3 dates with. When we met, we exchanged numbers directly into our phones, so there was no paper trail. At that point, I was sure he was my future husband, so I got a little panicky about not being able to contact him.
While I was away, he called me twice, and I didn’t answer. After 3 dates, I knew he wouldn’t try again…usually, not returning two calls is implying that I will never return his call. Because it had only been 3 dates, I didn’t know that much about him. I knew his first name, his approximate age, that he was Irish, and where he worked. I started with his work. When I called, the woman who answered told me he was no longer employed there.
This is when the panic set in.
How else was I supposed to find him? The only reason I was able to finish the conference without a phone in the first place was because I figured I would be able to call his place of work and get his number. Shit. So I did the next best thing: I spent two full evenings googleing him. I knew his grandmother had just passed away, so I looked up the obituaries for the town where she died for the past two weeks hoping I could easily spot an old lady with an Irish-sounding last name or his name in the list of surviving relatives.
No luck.
Then I turned to Facebook and hoped that he selected the network “Toronto”. I looked up all guys with his name in what I beleived to be his age group. I added many “Shawns” and “Seans” that didn’t have their picture up, hoping that one of them might be his. Found out later, it was spelled “Shaun”.
No luck.
After a few days of mild heart-attacks and the “I’ll never meet someone like him again!” phone calls to my friends, I decided to try his ex-place of employment one more time, in case whoever answered still spoke with him.
I was in luck. He called me, casually, a day later. I think my response to his call of “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??? I LOOKED ALL OVER FOR YOU! I LOST MY PHONE AND WAS SO WORRIED I WOULD NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN” might have scared him off because, two dates later, he permanently lost my phone number.
June 8th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I know nothing about stalking.
June 8th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Apparently no one does. I thought this was such a good story.
June 8th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Then there’s the other day when I caught you across the street from my house with binoculars and a box of doughnuts.
June 8th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I do love donuts.
June 8th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
I don’t stalk, I just keep tabs on people… ; D
December 30th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
I love this one. It’s just inspired me to write a particular blog about a couple of movies I’ve seen that appear to glamorize “stalking.” I’ll try to post it Friday, and I’ll link back to this one.
December 31st, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I actually have a potential stalker right now. Like I’m one action away from telling the police. Being this amazing is tough.
January 4th, 2010 at 9:51 am
http://mylivefriendspacebookster.com/2010/01/04/when-stalking-looks-romantic/
January 4th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
Posting again here because I don’t know if you’d go back to J.R.’s blog. I hope you’re talking this stalking ex seriously, with his history of mental problems. I’ve never had an outright stalker, but there were couple of guys in High School who seemed to think that asking me out multiple times would eventually wear me down and convince me to go out with them. Didn’t happen. So one thing I’ve learned and advise women is that you really can’t afford to be “nice” with some men because some just can’t or refuse to take a hint. So don’t t be coy about it, and say I’m busy right now or some other excuse. If you’re not interested in them, then just say NO. Be very clear, so that they get the point.
January 4th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
Thanks for the blog love JR! Great and hilarious post.
Jessica, I’ve actually been to the police already. But thanks for the tips!
January 4th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
My pleasure. It actually came in handy. This idea had occurred to me a few months ago, and I had meant to write about it, but never got around to it. This blog sort of gave me the hook I needed for an excuse to bring it up.
I also was going to mention the “funny” DATE-RAPE scene in “Revenge Of The Nerds,” but I didn’t want to make the blog too long.
And I agree with Jessica, I’m glad you’re taking the stalking thing seriously.
January 7th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
If he still went out with you two more times after that, then I’d say your initial response didn’t scare him off. Must have been something else you did on one of those dates.
January 8th, 2010 at 9:44 am
Yes, I was nuts on all the dates…