I was living with a complete loser during my 3rd and 4th year of University. I had met him for what I thought was supposed to be a summer fling and he just wouldn’t leave. Seriously, I think I dumped him 6 times over the course of 2.5 years, but somehow he’d manage to change my mind every time. It wasn’t because he was goodlooking, charming, smart or rich- he was none of those. I think he was just a good salesman.

One evening, we were sitting on these hideous chairs he just blew his entire paycheck on (at that point, I was just glad he had a paycheck), and I told him I was moving out…my sister needed a roomate, and I wanted to help her out, but she didn’t want to live with him. It was pretty much true, but I didn’t think it would work because of all my previous failures at trying to kick him out.

This time he bit “Well, if that’s what you want, then we’re breaking up.” I was giddy. “OK!” so he said “Fine, we’re broken up.”

I was home free! I made a date for that night with another big mistake, and in passing, I had mentionned to Complete Loser that I’d be home around 1am. When I got home at 3am, the door was hanging off the hinges and Complete Loser was on the phone with the cops reporting a break in.

I shrugged my shoulders and took up the sofa.

The next morning, I woke up and started getting ready to go to work. The cops showed up to take Complete Loser’s report. Of course, Complete Loser decided this was a terrific time to start begging me back. I can still see the look in the cop’s eyes as he sat at the table asking Complete Loser over and over again to make his statement, and Complete Loser telling him that it was more important for him to save his relationship.

Finally, he calmed down and gave the cop his statement. Apparently, what had happened was he came home around 1, but locked himself out of the appartment (he managed to get in the building). He banged at the door repeatedly, but I wouldn’t answer (because I was making out with some other guy somewhere else). Convinced that I was in there with another guy, he smashed the door down. Once he got in, he realised he’s a complete loser, and called the cops to cover his tracks.

I was so glad he wasn’t my boyfriend at the time. You know, sometimes I get really down about the fact that I’m still single, but then I remember stories like that and realise I’m probably better off.