The Platonic Friendship
I was out with some friends last night, and the subject of platonic relationships came up. Someone had asked the question about wether or not it was possible to have a true platonic relationship. Immediately, I replied “Of course!” thinking of all the men that I know who I consider besties.
I was then asked to qualify the relationship I think I have with these men:
1) can’t be work folk
2) can’t be married guys unless I knew them pre-nuptuals
3) the “platonic” part needs to be two-sided
…that excludes a lot of people already…then…a doozy
4) can’t be men in lower leagues than me (none even exist in higher leagues)
My conclusion? Platonic relationships do not exist.
August 6th, 2009 at 8:25 am
How do I give the finger on this thing…
August 6th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Randy, you know you’re in love with me, so our relationship is not platonic.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:38 am
I agree with you on this one. Even if I wanted to just be friends, they never really saw it like that, or the others around them never saw it like that. I was once really good friends with the tech guy at a school up north. Everyone thought we were having an affair. In reality, he loved his wife a lot, and I was treated like one of the guys while out with his friends. That didn’t last too long though as a lot of people started talking behing my back Some even came up to me and told me that he had a wife so I had to lay off. Whoa, I wasn’t even remotely interested. I just wantd someone to talk tech with.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Men always think we want them when we really don’t.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:51 am
No really, I’m good…
August 6th, 2009 at 10:54 am
what if they’re gay? can we count it as platonic then?
August 6th, 2009 at 10:57 am
No, because they fall in the same category as girl friends.
August 6th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
I agree platonic relationships don’t exist. Men’s ulterior motive is always to want to do the bang-bang if the girl is even remotely attractive to them.
August 6th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Except the conclusion of those that you were with is that they DO exist, as we had a perfect example of it…for us, at least. We did conclude that they don’t exist for YOU, though!
August 6th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
@Marty, except that you guys think we are always attracted to you.
@Darryl, I guess that’s because I am out of everyone’s league.
August 6th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Not anymore, remember, Darcie? :)
August 6th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
How do you give someone the finger on this thing?
August 6th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
TO this day I’ve never had a platonic friendship with a guy.
I’ve tried, and managed to be duped for many years by some.
But, it always comes out eventually that they are in love with me.
Which, in turn, always ruins the friendship.
But, for every lost frienship their always seems to be a new guy that tries to get me through the “friends first” method. Does that ever really work?
August 6th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
I don’t think so AshleyDawn. I think men would save themselves a lot of effort if they were just upfront about their feelings from the start so we can shoot them down immediately rather than wait for them to fall madly and deeply in love with us.
August 6th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Ok last long response for awhile I promise…
I think platonic as you describe it does exist. I have friends I’d bang in a second but I don’t, and actively don’t see them that way. Sometimes with an effort, but if my Latin female friend with the Kardashian butt bends over in front of me and I know I can’t be caught looking, tempting as it is, I still won’t. Girls expect guys to leer and flirt, however, and when they don’t it becomes a challenge for them to prove they are still pretty to everyone, so they push me to make a move and so the platonicness can be lost in that way, but some of them get used to me not hitting on them and get past it and we become lifelong, dependable friends. They may not have thought about me sexually until I clearly didn’t react to them sexually, and then I become hotter to them because I’m not like other lower-status guys. I have lots of girls that hit on me, so having other things going on makes it easier, but being the one guy in several of my hot friend’s lives that doesn’t hit on them causes me to hold a lot of dignity in their eyes and there’s a certain power and status I get from that. Plus I can do their friends.
August 6th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
HAHHA! Great ending to your post :-)
August 6th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Exactly.
I must say, even in the picture, the guy is totally in love with her.
I mean, look how hard he’s trying. Poor girl.
August 6th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
I love how you feel sorry for the girl because the guy is in love with her.
August 7th, 2009 at 2:02 am
You’ve forced me to try to think of these things on very little sleep. Hmmm, platonic guy friends? I of course also claim I have some, many in fact. Then as I reflect, a lot of them do want me, but I rebuff them. They’re too young, or not my type. (Plus, I’m in school and that takes plenty of time to almost rule out a relationship.) But I do have friends from high school that I never dated and they didn’t want to date me back then..they are married now, and we’re able to be friends. I think that counts…what do you think?
Side note, I can talk tech with my new guy (and he thinks it’s HOT.) Love it. Really, I can talk anything. :D
August 7th, 2009 at 11:43 am
what about guys that you have hooked up with in the past and things didn’t work out and neither of you have any desire to try again but you ended up being friends?
August 7th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
That clearly doesn’t count. I’m shocked you would even ask.
August 7th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
why wouldn’t that count? you got the “maybe we should be more than friends” thing out of the way and boiled it down to, yup, we’re really just friends.
August 7th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Because clearly you weren’t just friends. I have lots of exes that I hang out with that I don’t want to sleep with anymore, but that doesn’t make them true platonic friends. We’re talking people that have ALWAYS been platonic.
August 7th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Sounds a bit elitist if you ask me!
August 8th, 2009 at 9:37 am
@drummerg217- if they want you, they are, by definition, not platonic.
@Sadiejayn, I’m on Darryl’s side with this one….if you’ve fooled around, no matter how long ago, not platonic.
August 13th, 2009 at 8:26 am
I disagree with you completely. I have plenty of platonic friends where neither of us have any romantic feelings for each other and were just good friends. I think it comes form the realization that the other person is great, but not to date. And since we both feel that way, we can hang out all we want with nary a whiff of romance or intimacy.
Platonic relationships break down when one party thinks “Oh, he/she and I have been friends for so long and he/she’s so cute and fun and we get along well, yadda yadda that I think we should date”, when you should be thinking “Ive known this person for so long and heard about all his/her relationships and why they failed and I know what he/she is looking for, so its clearly not going to work with me”.
August 13th, 2009 at 8:44 am
They must be out of your league and you’re in denial.
August 14th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Nope, I just value their friendship over a fleeting tryst.