What Not To Say On Speed Dating
So, let’s say you’re a man, and you have 7 minutes to impress a woman. What do you say? I can understand how it might be confusing. You certainly don’t want to have a canned speech prepared, but you also don’t want to sound like you have nothing to say. Yesterday I blogged about my recent speed dating experience. At that event there was only one guy who made me want to stick a nail gun to my head, but I thought I’d share with you the top 3 things not to talk about when speed dating:
1) God. To me, this is a no-brainer. A deep, philosophical conversation about the existence of a greater being cannot be had in 7 minutes. This topic should be avoided. Some guy the other night thought otherwise, and we had this conversation:
FitDarcie: So, what do you do?
The Dentist: I am a dentist. I can tell you floss. Are you religious?
FitDarcie: Uhm. Uh, where is your dental practice located? Near here?
The Dentist: If there were a god, he would written it into the 10 commandments that you should floss everyday.
FitDarcie: (Looking for a hint of sarcasm on his face) Oh. Uhm. I don’t think that’s the purpose of the bible.
The Dentist: continues on a tirade about how horrible the bible is for another 6.5 minutes.
2) Porn. Again, I would assume this would be a no-brainer. Getting into details about the size of your porn collection is probably not a good way to start a 7-minute relationship. Where do you have to go from there. However, if you choose this path, when you are done, and the beautiful woman across from you is staring at you stunned and speechless, do not tell her friend that “clearly your friend Darcie is drunk. You should take her home immediately”.
3) Viagara. This is somewhat on the same level as porn. When you tell someone you work in pharmaceutical sales, then talk about your experiences with being slipped Viagra on the first day of your job, and saying that
November 10th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Darcie, I think you are wrong on the religion angle. You just have to know how to spin it. Here’s what you should have said.
“FitDarcie: So, what do you do?”
“The Dentist: I am a dentist. I can tell you floss. Are you religious?”
“FitDarcie: Religious? Are you asking me if I have a God complex? I am God.”
Note - that’s a movie reference.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
If I had 7 minutes to impress a girl I’ve never met before I’d spend the entire time talking about buying a van.
This will accomplish one of 2 things
1) She will think I’m a weirdo who buys vans to pick up small children and seduce them with candy. “Why would he tell me this” is what she’d think. Then she’d realize I’m so rad, that I can pretend I’m super creepy and girls would still want me. Then she’d want to go under the table and perform oral sex.
2) She’ll like vans and then go under the table and perform oral sex.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
@Fred, Malice? I googled it. But that will definatly be my new comeback to the whole God conversation
@Teenwolf How is it you are in a relationship and I am not?
November 11th, 2009 at 2:04 am
@Teenwolf That is why you are awesome.
@Darcie it is pretty obvious that Teenwolf’s lady loves vans and giving restaurant BJ’s
November 11th, 2009 at 9:14 am
You’re probably right.
November 15th, 2009 at 2:36 am
you need to loosen the hell up.
girls love hearing about my collector’s edition dvd of ‘Sperm Spewing Sluts Vol. III’. it’s the best way to seal the deal. SCHWING
November 15th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
That would be my brother.