When Guys Don’t Call Back
We all know that this is one of the #1 complaints that women have about men. We’re not talking about when you meet a guy in a bar and give him your number and they don’t call, or when you sleep with a guy the first night you meet and then they say “I’ll call you”, and then don’t, I’m talking about after you’ve been on several dates, probably slept together several times, but things are still in the “unsure” category. One day, after a great date, the girl calls the guy and he says “I’m just getting home from work, can I call you back when I’m settled?” and then you never hear from him again.
I know men think they are doing us a favour by not “dumping” us. But really, they are just cowards. After 3 dates, you MUST let the other person know that it isn’t working. Here’s how our thinking goes when we don’t hear from you:
Day 1: We call you, you say you’ll call back. That night, we don’t even think about it.
Day 2: The next day, you still don’t call, we make up an excuse on your behalf, and think it’s ok, because we will probably get together before the weekend.
Day 3: We figure we’ll try you again, you probably forgot to call. We call you. You let it go to voice mail. We leave a happy, upbeat message. You don’t call us by back the end of the night. We make up 10 excuses on your behalf. After all, you are a really great guy and wouldn’t just “not call”. Something has to be up. Probably a death in the family.
Day 4: We pretend we aren’t concerned that you didn’t call.
Day 5: We pretend we didn’t want you to call back anyway.
Day 6: We go out for drinks with friends after work. When they ask how things are going, we say “Great! We’re probably hooking up this weekend.”
Day 7: We go out with different friends after work who don’t know anything about you. I don’t bring you up. I keep my phone on the table in case it rings. It doesn’t. We go home half-loaded and cry our eyeballs out because now, not only did we get dumped, but we have to go back to our friends from the night before and say “No, he never called.”
Now, if you would just call and tell us that you didn’t feel a connection, here is how it would go:
Day 1: We call, you answer, you say “Sorry, I think you’re a great person, but things just aren’t right for us right now. I hope you understand.” We either swallow our pride and say “No problem. It was great getting to know you. See you around,” or, we flip “You asshole! You live in your mom’s basement and I went out with you anyway! What right do you have dumping me?” then we hang up on you and go to bed hating your guts.
Day 2: We’re out with some other guy and can’t even remember your name.
Why make us wait?
December 8th, 2008 at 11:19 am
It is simple… we don’t have to have the “conversation” if we just ignore you. Because there was one point in our lives that we tried to do the right thing and say something like that and the girl utterly freaked out and went psycho.
Something that should have been a ten minute conversation turned into a four hour one with suicide threats, death threats, and numerous questions that all started with the word “why”.
December 8th, 2008 at 11:24 am
That’s stupid. We’ll hate you anyway. You just make us wait longer to hate you.
December 8th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
It isn’t the fact that you are going to hate us… it is the painfully shitty conversation that has to happen. There is nothing more annoying than sitting through that.
December 9th, 2008 at 10:23 am
I bet sitting through a week of wondering is more painful than that 1/2 hour phone call. But you’re right, men are weak, that’s why you’d rather make us carry the weight.
December 9th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
in high school i’d not call back and then they would call me - i’d make my mom do the dirty work. was awesome.
December 9th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Oh my god. You just reminded me of when that happened to me in high school. Damn. I get dumped a lot.
December 10th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Ok, by day 7 those of us who know anything about dating protocols for men, know that you have basically given up on us calling you…so you won’t expect us to actually call you back. Moreover, we also don’t want to appear too needy. I mean let’s face it. We already initiated the whole process with you by showing the initial interest and getting your number right? Well, if we wait that 4 to 7 days to call you, that demonstrates that even with our initial level of interest in you, we are able to resist calling you back, thus, demonstrating further that we are not desperate to see you and certainly not needy. And all women hate–justifiably so–desperate and needy guys.
Maybe you started crying a little too early Darcie, maybe that man is just waiting for the right time to call you back, just to show you that he is an independent, psycologically healthy guy.
I hope you all look at my web site dealing with educating males on they masculine virtues, relationships, and marriage.
http://www.masculineadvicenow.blogspot.com
Steven F.
December 13th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
For the record, I wasn’t referring to any guy in particular, I was talking about this over Tim Hortons with a friend of mine. We were talking about men in general.