Why Men Should Thank Disney
I love Disney movies. There. I said it. I hate that I don’t have any kids near me because when I rent cartoons on my pay per view, I have no one to blame it on. I saw a preview for the new Disney movie coming out The Princess and the Frog. I got a little excited. It reminded me of something though.
A few months back, I was on a date with a guy who said that Disney is ruining women. He was kidding, I hope, but he meant that Disney gives little girls false hope about meeting Prince Charming. He said that “happily ever after” shouldn’t be taken as literal, and that after the initial lust stage comes all the shit. When he said this, I immediately came to the defense of women, we’re not that stupid. We know about compromise, and not getting mad when they leave the toilet seat up….blah blah blah.
But when I saw the ad for The Princess and the Frog, I started thinking about how Disney movies, or fairy tales in general, are actually very beneficial to men. My top 3:
The Princess and The Frog: It may be the Princess and the Toad, but what’s the difference, the premise is the same. A beautiful, eligible, rich, independent woman kisses the ugliest animal on the planet, and POOF he turns into Prince Charming. Gentlemen, Disney is encouraging women to give ugmoes a chance. The Frog has no idea how lucky he is. If it were nowadays, and Kermit came up to me in a bar and told me to kiss him, I’d kick him in the junk.
Beauty and the Beast: My brother’s favorite growing up, so I know it by heart. What it’s saying is that beautiful lower-class women are at the mercy of fat, hairy, rich monsters. In order for the poor lower-class hot girl to get ahead in life, she has to sleep with the rude, obnoxious frightening man that she hates at first. In real life, if some ogre of a man took me hostage and I fell in love with him, it’d be called Stolkhom syndrome.
The Little Mermaid: This actually came out just when I was young enough to enjoy it, so I know it rather well too. This is where Disney tells women that it’s ok to be crazy. First, it promotes stalking a man who is out of our league, then, once that man gets another woman, we should change everything about ourselves to become a home-wrecker. If someone even suggested to me that I had to significantly alter my god-given-smoking-hot-body get the man of my dreams, I’d kick them in the junk. Do you have any idea how much plastic surgery costs these days?
I wonder how Disney will spin my life when they make a movie out of it.
November 27th, 2009 at 11:36 am
You forgot Aladdin!! That was a classic! About a hot rich girl who takes a chance on a poor kid with no future who lives with a monkey. But I guess it would work equally well as a Mastercard commercial:
Apple: 1 dinar
Bail to get out of jail for stealing apple: 500 dinars
A lifetime of happiness with your true love: Priceless
There are some things money cant buy, for everything else theres Mastercard.
November 27th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Hahahaha. Aladin is more about promoting the sale of narcotics. Genies? Magic carpets? Someone selling acid out there is making a fortune.
November 27th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Alternatively, you could say that women should thank Disney too.
Princess and the Frog: The princess turns into a frog in this movie, not the other way around.
Beauty and the Beast:
Basically says that you should look past class and monetary differences and look at people for who they are. The Beast was hot, loaded, powerful, and had a really cool library and he went for a poor town girl with self-control issues (if someone touched my magic rose when I asked her not to, shed be out. Its a simple instruction, I dont care how curious you are, control yourself), rather than assume she was a gold digger. Unfortunately this isnt the case today, as too many rich guys would go after the hot girl and never really get to know her. Actually too many guys in general would go after the hot girl without ever really appreciating her sexiest asset, her brain. In fact, there are sites dedicated precisely to this(http://sugardaddie.com/). Also teaches forgiveness.
The Little Mermaid:
Pretty similar theme to Beauty and the Beast. Hot guy, who seems to have it all, but takes a chance on a common girl, and learns to love her in the process. In todays gloabalized world, it could be seen as referring to not letting cultural/religious/political/ethnic differences (her being a mermaid and him being a human could be a metaphor for a cross-cultural relationship) stop you from loving someone and seeing them for who they are and not the color of their skin, etc. Also stresses being honest with your family. If Ariel had told daddy the truth about how she loved a human, he couldve saved her a whole lot of grief. But that wouldnt be as entertaining.
Aladdin:
My personal favourite. A rich, stuck up girl realizes that money isnt everything and learns to love a poor street rat. How many women today can really say that what a man makes is not important (and if you say you dont care, dont bs yourself, a girls gotta take care of herself so money does have some importance, but its not paramout. We’ve got promise rings to promise youll ask a girl to marr you. Then another ring when you do ask her to marry you. Then another when you get married. Then another when youve been married 20 years. Wtf.)? Aladdins good looking, ambitious, smart, fun, and lets assume hes good in bed, but how many women would really give him a chance? Not many. Also teaches to be true to yourself and that lying isnt really helpful in most situations.
Basically Disney has lessons for everyone, men and women, adults and kids, black, white and brown. And thats what I love about Disney. Oh and the songs aint bad either.
November 27th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
BTW, you seem to like kicking people in the junk an awful lot. Whats that about?
November 27th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
While we’re on the topic of teaching kids. Did anyone else notice how awful Looney Toons was? I cant imagine too many kids who grew up watching Looney Toons and turned out ok.
For starters, the violence in a Tom and Jerry episode would make Tarantino proud. Then theres all the horrible lessons it teaches: Tom picks on Jerry because hes smaller than him. Everyone picks on Porky because he stutters, Wil-E-Coyote picks on the Road Runner because hes a different race (I mean seriously, order take out already. I bet you could get it from Acme too), Daffy picks on Yosemite Sam because hes a redneck. And then every Bugs or Daffy cartoon is basically telling you that its ok to lie, cheat, steal, and humiliate someone so long as its funny. Thats not even taking into account the gender issues. Half the characters are trans gender or at least cross dressers. Is Jerry a boy or girl? What about Bugs and Daffy? They go after girls but then dress up as them and kiss other characters. How awful!! How did these cartoons not get on the FCCs radar?
I say we demand reparations. These cartoons have single handedly ruined an entire generation (and probably more) who grew up watching them. The kids didnt know any better. Its the parents fault. RE-PA-RATIONS!!!!!
November 27th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
tom and jerry was hannah-barbera not warner bros.
if you want to see some fun stuff, youtube all of the banned looney tunes and disney cartoons from the 40s. they’re not hard to find.
November 27th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Brett, what is it exactly that you do for a living that allows you to spend an hour commenting on blogs everyday?
Nick is my brother. Speaking of children’s cartoons, he was scared of the bad guy on Fern Gully and hid behind the couch every time the slime song came on.
November 27th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
@Darcie, Im just very good at multitasking :D Finish document, read FitDarcie, meeting, review document, comment on FitDarcie. Its ok if youre jealous. Bask in the brilliance of my multitasking capabilites. And if you must know I work as an analyst for a Canadian brokerage house. Its Black Friday in the US, so its a slow day on the trade floor. Thats why I was able to make so many posts.
I LOVED THAT SONG!!!! And I loved Robbin Williams as Batty, “Delicious and nutritious, tastes just like chicken”, “Price check on prune juice Bob, price check on prune juice”. Is it strange that I still remember that?
November 27th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I like how your day works. Everyone’s day should include some FitDarcie time.
Ha! I remember the prune juice line!
November 28th, 2009 at 2:19 am
I liked Looney Toons, personally. Yet, I am an atheist, some correlation? That might go with the Little Mermaid theme you were talking about, Brett. My boyfriend IS a devout Christian.
Also, I do think that there are more women out there than you think that don’t care about money. Sure, I want enough to pay the bills (and a drink or two maybe), but I surely don’t expect diamonds or even or even clothes. We make enough just to get by every week, and I’m happy as a clam, just to have what I have.
November 29th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Favourite disney movie is one my favourite first date questions, so revealing…
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Though I can see how that would be a great conversation starter, I would have to wonder about a man who wants to get me talking about Tinkerbell.